schtick

KisPers discuss irony.

(What? No, I don’t think … well, okay, I mayyy have posted this before, not sure. Lemme know if I did.)
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image source
archives

an analist’s analysis

Counter-fatwa fatwa
These guys need both analysis and therapy.*

[A]ccording to prominent Egyptian cleric Mazhar Shahin, the Muslim Brotherhood has issued a fatwa permitting “anal jihad,” a.k.a. man-on-man anal sex, between jihadis fighting far away from their wives. “They practice homosexuality with one another, thinking, wrongly, that this constitutes jihad for the sake of Allah,” Shahin said …. According to him, the practice is conceptually similar to “sex jihad,” in which women are either forcibly taken or willingly offer to have sex with jihadis. But as homosexuality is punishable by death according to sharia law, the idea of anal jihad is, in Shahin’s words, “despicable, foolish, and asinine.”

Wait, did he really just say “asinine”?**

“The [Muslim Brotherhood] is a bunch of hopeless and desperate peddlers who have reached a state of foolishness, stupidity, filth, and so on – to the highest imaginable degree. This catastrophe – this ‘anal jihad’ – is proof of this.” [story]

Sooo, lemme get this straight …
*badum*dump*

Evidently oral is still cool, though.
But then again, it’d have to be for those cossuquers.

(What? Yeah, pretty crude and juvenile, even for me; but, hey, the jihadis staaarted iiit.)
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* Cultural ref
** Cultural ref

stock weapons


( * )

previously

Some 20 rockets were found Wednesday in a school in Gaza operated by the United Nations Relief and Works Agency, the organization confirmed Thursday…

my pet fundraiser

After receiving a scolding from the press two weeks ago when President Barack Obama refused to cancel a series of appearances at partisan fundraisers amid a domestic crisis, the president is sett his week to repeat that performance amid a foreign crisis.

“Sticking to His Travel Plans, at Risk of Looking Bad,” the New York Times’ headline advised – er — reported on Monday.

The Times report added that, as Israel began a ground invasion of Gaza and just hours after pro-Russian rebels killed nearly 300 civilians in the skies over Ukraine, the notion that Obama should reconsider his fundraising schedule did not even come up on Thursday.

“It’s rarely a good idea to return to the White House just for show when the situation can be handled responsibly from the road,” White House Communications Director Jennifer Palmieri said.

Wait… Wasn’t the White House insisting two weeks ago that going to the border would be “just for show?” What a nimble policy this White House has crafted.

Abrupt changes to his schedule can have the unintended consequence of unduly alarming the American people or creating a false sense of crisis,” Palmieri continued…

No Redskins™! Pigskins™!

Muslim outrage in 3.. 2.. 1..

[T]he United States Trademark and Patent Office “granted registration of the [Hog Call] sensory mark to the Board of Trustees of the University of Arkansas.” Not the words, mind you; the sound.

The sounds contained within the chant — Woooooooo, Pig! Sooie! Woooooooo, Pig! Sooie! Woooooooo, Pig! Sooie! Razorbacks! — are now a registered trademark. [story]

(What? Nah, just in it for the lame Trademark Office™ joke meme; immortalized in my signature, below.
Okay, yeah, and for the Islamophobiaschadenfreude.)
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Cultural ref (no vid): SNL’s Olympia Cafe skits (Belushi & Aykroyd) “No Coke! Pepsi!”

Sunday comics

Everybody expects the Islamic Inquisition
(submitted purely for the fun of it, since I spent my ’50s childhood readin’ comic books with a buddy whose dad could afford ‘em all)

The Islamic State, the former [ISIL/ISIS] wants a Muslim psychiatrist who created cartoon characters based on Islam dead. … “whoever finds him, kill him, and he will be rewarded.”

[M]utawa said he plans to take legal action against the individuals behind the Twitter messages calling for his assassination.

Facing a murder-for-hire threat? Y’think he’s got a case?
Good luck finding a lawyer, though, much less a judge.

[M]utawa defended his comics work, saying he had received clearance from Shariah scholars for his projects, which have drawn criticism from some Muslims in the United States.

Mutawa, a psychiatrist, created “The 99″ comic characters to promote Islam, but the Islamic State complains it imitates the “99 names of Allah.”

Ninenty-nine names of Allah on the wall. Ninenty-nine names of Allaaahhh …
(sorry)

At JihadWatch, Islam expert Robert Spencer commented that there aren’t more reformers of Islam, because “it happens all too often that when a Muslim speaks out against understandings of Islam that justify violence and supremacism, they are targeted with threats and physical attacks.”

Yeah, that kind of thing has always put a damper on reformations.

The Islamic State has posted online: “There is no good in us if he remains alive for over three days.”

Kind of a short “kill-by” date, dontcha think?
Also leaves open the question of how much “no good” there is in the Islamic State, if he lives longer.

The “superhero” cartoons were intended to promote the “99″ characteristics of Allah through 99 characters with special powers or abilities. … “These Islamic butt-kickers are ready to bring truth, justice and indoctrination to impressionable Western minds.”

At the time, Adrian Morgan of Family Security Matters, a think tank, wondered: “Are we going to see a**-kicking Christian superhero nuns called Faith, Hope and Charity … sending Satan into Hell? It’s doubtful!” [story]

45 Years Ago….


Just for DougM:

Yep.

there’s a place for this

Should condoms be distributed at the Clark County Fair this year?

The Clark County Combined Health District thinks so.

The health district, concerned over high local teen birth rates, asked to provide free condoms in barns at the fair…

today’s audience participation

What is your best attribute and biggest shortcoming?

Finish your assignment! »
Based on YOUR expectations, not anyone else’s.
Finish your assignment! »
And no, not your penis…

Well, lookie here

hm…

Wonder if this is something?

China’s president [Xi Jinping] pressed a charm offensive with Latin America on Thursday, signing deals with Brazil, meeting regional leaders and proposing a $20 billion infrastructure fund that highlights Beijing’s growing interests in the region.

Xi then met behind-closed doors with a dozen Latin American and Caribbean leaders, including Cuba’s communist President Raul Castro.

After the summit, Rousseff said China proposed the creation of a $20 billion fund to finance infrastructure projects in Latin America and the Caribbean.

He also offered a credit line of up to $10 billion to nations of the Community of Latin American and Caribbean States (CELAC).

In addition, a Chinese-Latin American cooperation fund of $5 billion would be set up for investments.

…Chinese companies agreed to buy 60 Brazilian Embraer E190 passenger airplanes worth a total of $3.2 billion.

…The Asian giant’s import-export bank will loan $5 billion over three years to Brazilian mining powerhouse Vale so that the company, which ships iron ore to China, can buy or rent vessels.

$43.2Billion buys a lotta Good Will.

“We welcome this commitment to a new international order that is just and equitable,” [Raul] Castro said in written remarks.

Not to put too fine a point on it;

…Xi is presenting China as an alternative to the United States in the region …

“China is an option that matches with the leftist political sympathy that it has with some countries in the region,” said [some prof.]

Wonder if that has anything to do with Latin America’s new export…

La Bestia

naaaaah

that reminds me of a story …

A man is sitting in a bar when a beautiful woman walks up and whispers in his ear, “I’ll do anything you want for fifty bucks.”

He sets his drink down and starts going through his pockets. He pulls out a ten, two fives, a twenty, and ten ones, thrusts the money into the woman’s hand, and says, “Here, paint my house.”

(What? Yeah, awesome!)

what government does

Damned if y’do, damned if y’don’t.

A Southern California couple who scaled back watering their lawn amid the state’s drought received a warning from the suburb where they live that they might be fined for creating an eyesore – despite emergency statewide orders to conserve.

[The Glendora, CA couple] said on Thursday they received a letter from the city warning they had 60 days to green up their partially brown lawn or pay a fine ranging from $100 to $500.

The letter, bearing the official symbols of Glendora and its police department, came the same week that statewide water regulators passed emergency drought restrictions for outdoor water use. Those regulations, to take effect this August, require cities to demand cutbacks in water use, and empower them to fine residents up to $500 for overwatering their lawns. [more]

When gov’t laws and regulations are broad enough, everyone is a criminal.

your afternoon euphemism update

FtK!™*
Fadoodle the King!
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* KisP ref

some of you …

… are all. gonna. diiieee !

~ story ~

(What? Nah, I’m in the NC blue zone. I’m gonna die of something else … which doesn’t count.)

ToDaZeD Drivel that Deserves to be Ignored

Ok. Sometimes I have no self control

Elizabeth Warren [Fauxcahontis] went on to outline 11 tenets of progressivism:

- “We believe that Wall Street needs stronger rules and tougher enforcement, and we’re willing to fight for it.”
[except for GoldmanSax]

- “We believe in science, and that means that we have a responsibility to protect this Earth.”
[nevermind the IF A :: THEN giraffe logyk. Y’all wouldn’t recognize actual *science* if it bit ya on the feathered headdress.]

- “We believe that the Internet shouldn’t be rigged to benefit big corporations, and that means real net neutrality.”
[except for Glooooogle and faceback and GE and…]

- “We believe that no one should work full-time and still live in poverty, and that means raising the minimum wage.”
[This economics field of study — ever heard of it?]

- “We believe that fast-food workers deserve a livable wage, and that means that when they take to the picket line, we are proud to fight alongside them.”
[see above.]

- “We believe that students are entitled to get an education without being crushed by debt.”
[Then stop with the .gov “loans” driving up the tuition prices.]

- “We believe that after a lifetime of work, people are entitled to retire with dignity, and that means protecting Social Security, Medicare, and pensions.”
[”Dignity” involves not being dependent on Other People.]

- “We believe—I can’t believe I have to say this in 2014—we believe in equal pay for equal work.”
[except at Teh White House]

- “We believe that equal means equal, and that’s true in marriage, it’s true in the workplace, it’s true in all of America.”
[No — you believe “equal” means “the same as.” Which means you’ll hafta hit most people repeatedly in the head with hammers to make them as dim as you are.]

Your turn.

Nudgin’ the Nannying up A Notch

Nudging/Naggin’

T’other day I was standing in line at a local chain drug store. They have a brand new kind of blood pressure taker over on the side and, apparently, lots of people like to use those things. Never thought much about ‘em before but, now, they’re noo and “improved”.

They talk.

Yep — in a female voice pitched to carry to the far corners of the store, one is urged to ‘calculate one’s whole life score.’ or something. Apparently, the written instructions are no longer sufficient; while the thing is pumping up it talks “reassuringly” to the person whole dang store in the kind of condescending, fake-cheerful tone one’s maiden aunt used to use.

The whole minute while the cuff is squeezing the arm, the machine shouts “reassuring” phrases at five second intervals. Phrases like, “almost done,” “hold still, now” “hang in there” and “Good Job!!

rly?

These are adults using this machine. Mostly older adults as not many 20-somethings are even aware of what blood pressure is. And that’s how the makers of this machine think it is appropriate to talk to people.

Next up: your shopping cart.

“MyCart is a nonfinancial approach that would use behavioral economics to encourage healthier purchases by any consumer, including SNAP [food stamp] participants,”

Yeah — not just talking down to those who can’t manage to feed themselves, but to all of US.

The cart would be color-coded, physically divided, and have a system installed so that when the shopping cart reaches its healthy “threshold” it would congratulate the customer. …“You achieved a MyCart healthy shopping basket! Goody! Goody! for You!

Which assumes that people will be putting their items in the “correct” color-coded partition.

The panel based this approach on a $999,891 government-funded study [what happened to that last $109?] entitled “Nudging Nutrition,” arguing the research “suggests an intervention of this sort might be successful in modifying consumer shopping behavior.”

The panel concluded that it was “somewhat unlikely” that SNAP recipients would not be able to easily understand the new shopping carts. [what does that even mean?! words of one syllable or less? baby-talk?]

So instead of using financial approach of only allowing SNAP/OtherPeople’sMoney™ to be used for the stuff they’ve decided people should eat, they’re gonna bother US all with some patronizing, cutsey talking shopping cart.

And that ain’t all:

“Consumers could be guided to healthier choices through the use of visual displays and other signage, including ceiling banners, refrigerator and freezer door clings, and shelf talkers.”

And I get to pay for the privilege of being nagged by inanimate objects.

For instance, Safeway, Inc. would need to spend $40.05 million to introduce the carts at its 1,335 stores in the U.S. [roughly $30,000 for every store]

Yeah — that won’t be reflected in every price.

Now comes the Language of Our Betters:

“The principle of self-attribution suggests that when an individual perceives they have the ability to freely choose between options, they are more likely to be satisfied with the choice they make,” the report said. “Using this principle, positioning healthier items for increased salience can support consumers choosing healthier options.”

That’s how they talk to one another.

Optimistic Exit »

The good news is that the next time I was in the same store, I noticed the voice had been turned off.

Guess there were complaints…

racism of the Left

Buuut you already knew this:

[A]merican liberals — once among the strongest supporters of Israel — began opposing the Jewish state when they started viewing modern political struggles as being rooted in battles between racial and ethnic groups. … [T]his worldview now dominates liberals’ ideology, replacing the class-based and poverty focus that was once predominantly seen as the culprit.

“Leftists/liberals/progressives believe that the great moral drama of our era is ‘the rest against the West’ or the ‘people of color’ against the ‘white man,’” …. “This has replaced poor-against-rich or worker-against-capitalist as the core idea of progressive thought.” … [T]his ideology leads many on the left to see Israel as being on the “Western” and white” side of the battle, with the Palestinians being seen as the “people of color” who are under assault.

[A]merican liberals were impacted by the global left’s turn against Israel. “This began with the recognition by the Arabs that their legacy of affiliation with Axis in World War Two was a political liability; and so Fatah, under the leadership of Arafat who had been mentored by the Nazi-collaborator Amin al-Husseini, exchanged that legacy for a new revolutionary anti-colonial identity that they absorbed by apprenticing themselves to the Algerian FLN and the Vietnamese Communists,” …. “Also, in the latter half of the 20th-century the old leftist paradigm of class struggle was superseded by national/ethnic struggle.” [more]

Observations (over-simplified and abbreviated):
• This is a derived tenet of the Leftist cult of victimhoodism.
• This kind of pigeonholing and stereotyping is the laziest possible way of viewing socio-political issues (hence, its allure for arrogant, freedom-hating pseudo-intellectuals of the Left). To the Left, easily-identified groups seem naturally inferior to “whites” (for any sufficiently flexible definition of “white”), so/because they need aid and guidance from self-appointed enlightened, superior, progressive thinkers like themselves. (The chicken/egg thing works both ways, here.)
• There are more Arabs than Israelis, so, you know, democracy; and democracy trumps icky and judgmental moral principles. Hey, radical Arabs (along with other Islamists) have essentially voted to kill or drive-out the Jews, so it must be okay.
• Marxist-Leninist-Stalinist-Maoist socialism/communism failed miserably, and it’s too intellectually challenging to promote, so the world’s Left moseyed on over to the simpler racist/nationalist collectivist ideology … fascism. This left their American political-theology sister cult, Progressives, little choice but to follow (we’ve always been at war with Eastasia.)

(What? Nah, I just tossed this out for a limited bit of personal perspective. It’s not comprehensive, by any means, nor, perhaps, entirely accurate. So sue me.)

today’s Lympians

National craft retailer Hobby Lobby is planning to open a store in Olympia, the city confirmed…

aaaaand BINGO.

*thonk*
sound of penny dropping

Honduran officials on Wednesday called for U.S. aid to Central America to reduce violence that has fueled a surge of child migration to the United States, with the foreign minister calling for a “mini-Marshall plan” to attack the broader underlying problems.

Nevermind that the “violence” has “fueled a surge of child migration” about as much as Benghazi was about Teh Video.

Here it is. Give us money or take our whole child population.

Washington should help Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras fight gangs with a plan similar to U.S. anti-drug programs in Colombia and Mexico, as well as funds to lift growth in the impoverished region.

…”It’s much more practical for the United States to launch a mini-Marshall plan, as they did after World War Two, to create opportunities and really get to the root of the problem in Central American countries that is fueling migration,”

No Problema. Just dismantle your “govt”, we’ll make you a new state and *p00f* all problems are solved. We won’t turn into over-stretched Rome at all
[/sarc]