PeTArdia

I ain’t makin’ this up, I swear.

In a letter to San Francisco mayor Edwin Lee today, executive vice president of PETA, Tracy Reiman, is calling for the Tenderloin District to be renamed to the “Tempeh District.” You know, because “tenderloin” has that meat-related sound to it.

“I am writing on behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) … with an idea that could help revitalize the struggling Tenderloin district: rename it the “Tempeh District.” By discarding an outdated moniker that evokes the horrors of the meat trade, you’ll be sending a strong message to progressive businesses and health-conscious residents that this neighborhood is ready for a fresh start.” [T]empeh is healthier and cruelty-free, while tenderloin is full of suffering.

Reiman goes on to offer other suggestions if Tempeh doesn’t have the right ring to it,
“If Tempeh doesn’t excite you, how about Granola Flats or Seitan’s Lair? You could even run a contest to choose a veggie moniker.”
What about “Tofurkey Town” or “Textured Vegetable Protein Plaza?”
You can check out the entire letter over at the SFist. [srsly? sfist? Awfercryinoutloud.]

Okay, I’ll start: BTF

Finish your assignment! »

Okay, a little Cyrano de Bergerac music, please, Maestro.
[draws rapier]

Political:
• PeTARDia (just in case you didn’t get the title)
• Progressivania
• Maurinania
• Peasantville
• Peoples Repulsivic

Vegetarian:
• Cornnecticut
• Vegania (or West Vegania)
• Veganda (or Veganada)
• Lactovonia
• Grainada
• Muselixico
• Granobla
• Nut-All Province
• Fruit ‘n Nut District
• Pervale
• Greenwretch Village
• Soho Mo
• Mount Cherbuddy
• Asstoreya

Geographic:
• San Francesspool
• Eats Crapistan
• Bum’s Rush Ya

Hygienic:
• Suckistan
• Bumslivonya
• Unwashedington
• Bagladya
• Gutterville
• Dump Frees

Religious:
• I Slum

And to end the refrain … thrust home. [/Cyrano]

Okay, you get the idea … have at it.

(What? Merely an excuse to exercise my punmansip? Well, duhhhh …)

Note:
Apologies in advance to anyone I haven’t offended, but as you can see, after a while the idea quality tends to drop off.

13 Comments!

  1. iD
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm |

    T-loin has always defied convention and gone against the grain. Rather than follow the trendy progressivism of PETA, the mayor should flout their advice and adopt a new name which reflects their countercultural heritage. I propose it be renamed the Tender Veal District.

  2. SondraK, Lympian Slayer
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 4:34 pm |

    Corn in Stool.

  3. Posted April 4, 2011 at 4:44 pm |

    outdated moniker

    I *love* when they write phrases like this.

  4. Papa Rod
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 5:48 pm |

    Upper Intestan.
    or conversely, Lower Intestan.
    Bee-Onia.
    Latreenia.
    Flushing.
    Patchouliville
    Mierda. (sic)
    Hemphis.
    Flatuland.
    Tranniesylvania.
    Scatmandu.
    Armpitsburg
    Fairyland.
    The Panhandle.
    Baja-ja-ja-youcantbeserious.

  5. Fat Baxter
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 6:05 pm |

    How about the Meatpacking District?

  6. Papa Rod
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 6:09 pm |

    Or the Fudgepacking District.

  7. dick not quite dead white guy
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 7:20 pm |

    With Nob Hill abutting (did I say butt? Sorry) rising above the district, how about Knob Valley?

  8. mojo
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 7:31 pm |

    “Head Cheese District?”
    “Nah…”

  9. tctsunami
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm |

    So what if it was a real survival situation, and we were all on the porch, What would we do?

    MIT: I mean this in the most lovingly way I can say it. Please don’t take it wrong. I really do love you (as all of us do here).

    I’m eating your back straps first.

    Love Always, TCT

  10. SondraK, Lympian Slayer
    Posted April 4, 2011 at 10:11 pm |

    I. Love. This. Place. :)

  11. Claire, Unreasonable, Ideologically Stubborn Ruralite
    Posted April 5, 2011 at 7:33 am |

    “Seitan’s Lair” gets my vote!
    ‘Cept you mis-spelt it.

    OR, since the stated goal is to attract “progressive businesses and health-conscious residents,” call it Potemkin.

  12. DougM
    Posted April 5, 2011 at 11:21 am |

    PapaRod (4),
    You missed “Memphist.”

    Claire (11),
    “Potemkin.” Inspired, my dear, inspired.

    Okay, two more:
    • Potsylvania
    • St Peeheresburg

  13. Papa Rod
    Posted April 5, 2011 at 7:37 pm |

    Good catch, Doug. You are the man.
    (I also left out Pee-oria. Dang…)