notes from the boiler room

As a dweller in the seedy underbelly of KisP, responsible for (among other things) taking out the trash and hosing the poop out of the filters (metaphorically speaking), I see a lot of weirdness. And since part of hosing out the poop is making sure nobody accidentally flushed the crown jewels, I have to examine it all.

Today…I saw spam for tarps and birdbaths. I had no idea there was a thriving internet market for either one. Sure, the vast majority of the spam was the expected “gosh I just LOVED your blog and OMG BTW please won’t you buy my big throbbing herbal mortgage schoolgirls,” but…tarps, and birdbaths.

I could try to badly tie this into an actual point – y’know, “no matter how ridiculous the sales pitch, some mook out there will buy the product and OH WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, OBAMA” – but instead I’d like a little feedback on other ridiculous spam going around out there.

Spam is sort of a bellwether of the public concern-o-meter; e.g. porn and big weiner spam has always been popular because the desires being addressed transcend current events, but mortgage refinancing spam didn’t really explode until the market demand for refi loans went ballistic.

My studies thus far suggest that people are concerned about where dinner’s coming from, so they’re waiting for pigeons to hit the birdbath and then throwing a tarp over them.


  1. bocopro
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 7:01 am |

    No clue. I’ve streamlined my life to the point that I’m not sure I can even DEFINE spam. I go to about 5 or 6 blogs on a daily basis, drop by CNN and FoxNews, read e-mail, and watch re-runs of Bones, NCIS, and the unending discussion of WWII on various channels from perspectives other than the US view.

    Hence, I never see much spam, and I ignore all commercials (unless they’re really cute and somebody recommended ‘em) as well as political speechifying.

    But as for those who create problems (viruses & worms) for the purpose of profiting from solving them (anti-virus software) or simply annoying people (shitting in a bag, setting it afire on a doorstep, and ringing the doorbell), I prescribe castration by monkey wrench, gender notwithstanding.

    Ditto for any member of the US legislature who has been in D.C. for more than 10 years and political figures who refuse to disclose their medical, business, eligibility, and academic records.

  2. Claire: barbarian, etc
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 7:02 am |

    Firstly – Thank you, Apo, for all the hosing, shoveling and mucking.

    As to the tarps and birdbaths… might could make a water collection device for the overnight dew. Could make ya rich in TX and the CA Central Valley…

  3. apotheosis
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 7:04 am |

    I prescribe castration by monkey wrench, gender notwithstanding.

    First time through, I read that as “castration by monkey wrench, grinder notwithstanding” and thought “hell, why not both?”

  4. bocopro
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 7:14 am |

    Tarps are also big here along the Gu’f Coast during ‘cane season, sometimes referred to as “Blue Roof Season.”

    Birdbaths . . . well, maybe a .07 or so on the GAF meter.

  5. SteveHGraham
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 8:23 am |


  6. DougM (jackassophobe)
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 8:32 am |

    Keep it short. *snick* Castration by monkey.

    You got a URL for that outfit?
    Oh, wait, never mind. I already have a birdbath and a couple’a tarps.
    Missy’s flamingos are a bit faded, though. You get anything about flamingo paint?

    My spam filter works pretty darn well.
    The only trash mail I get is from politicians and organizations I’ve already donated to.

  7. Posted September 14, 2011 at 8:48 am |

    Hey, there’s good money in tarps! Why just a couple of years ago, the gummint paid $700 billion for a TARP.

    Lord only knows what they’d pay for a birdbath…

  8. apotheosis
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 8:50 am |

    I know of at least one Byrd in gummint what coulda used a good scrubbing.

  9. Posted September 14, 2011 at 8:53 am |

    ^^ bwa-ha-ha!! My latest spam=

    Become_..a._.social__worker.._ That would be a short lived career because I just don’t care about their problems.

    See post above and “Man Up”.

  10. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 9:22 am |

    I was thrilled to be *offered* a grant for college! With 2 masters degrees, I decided against The Porch payin for it. You are welcome DRAK Knights—–

  11. dick not quite dead white guy
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 9:32 am |

    thrilled to be *offered* a grant for college
    Why folks, I believe you’ve been Stimulated by the Uhbama Regime.

  12. Posted September 14, 2011 at 9:44 am |

    Before word verification I got a lot of pet supply spam because I wrote about my blue heeler jack a lot.
    Usually: “that was great. I love dogs too. Go to”
    I still see on my sitemeter several times a day hits from googlebot in mountain view, ca. They hit random posts trolling for keywords… ie pets, money, sex &ct, then they choose the appropriate spam such as pet stuff, mortgage lenders, penis enlagement.
    Luckily for me wv seems to keep them at bay for the most part.

  13. SondraK, TEA Party zombie
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 9:57 am |

    Oh sure, Mr. Colonel Jerry, SIR!!! it’s because you don’t need no edukayshun!

  14. apotheosis
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 11:17 am |

    I believe you’ve been Stimulated by the Uhbama Regime.

    stimulus senses…tingling.

    or maybe that’s my prostate.

  15. mojo
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 12:42 pm |


    You’ll go blind reading that crap. Trust me.

  16. Fat Baxter
    Posted September 14, 2011 at 3:22 pm |

    Tarps will be eminently useful when it comes time to “shoot, shovel, and shut up.”

  17. ZZMike
    Posted September 15, 2011 at 3:55 pm |

    I’m on Gmail and get very little spam. I had an account on an independent ISP and got close to a dozen a day.

    My favorites were the ones who tried to convince me that Life Would Be Beautiful if only I got one of their knock-off Rolex imitations, and the one from the niece of the banker in Nigeria who’d cut me in on a big slice of the account he’s trying to smuggle out of the country.