Let’s say some malevolent group — the government, powerful corporations, extraterrestrials — really is trying to read and/or control your thoughts with radio waves. Would the preferred headgear of the paranoid, a foil helmet, really keep The Man and alien overlords out of our brains?
The scientific reasoning behind the foil helmet is that it acts as a Faraday cage, an enclosure made up of a conducting material that shields its interior from external electrostatic charges and electromagnetic radiation by distributing them around its exterior and dissipating them. While sometimes these enclosures are actual cages, they come in many forms, and most of us have probably dealt with one type or another. Elevators, the scan rooms that MRI machines sit in, “booster bags” that shoplifters sometimes use to circumvent electronic security tags, cables like USB or TV coaxial cables, and even the typical household microwave all provide shielding as Faraday cages.
While the underlying concept is good, the typical foil helmet fails in design and execution. An effective Faraday cage fully encloses whatever it’s shielding, but a helmet that doesn’t fully cover the head doesn’t fully protect it. If the helmet is designed or worn with a loose fit, radiofrequency electromagnetic radiation can still get up underneath the brim from below and reveal your innermost thoughts to the reptilian humanoids or the Bilderberg Group…
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42 Comments!
If I was a reptilian humanoid, I’d tell my intended subjects of servitude their only hope of salvation was ridiculous. Also, I’d pay some influential magazine, and respected university, to report the same thing, while I laughed and accumulated the power to rule the world.
For some reason, that dredges up from the dark, dank recesses of my undisciplined brain a story by Steve Allen (originator of the Tonight Show) some 50 years ago: “The Hating.”
Premise is that a miscreant or ne’er-do-well pain-in-the-ass jerkwad is discovered in the act or conclusively proven by evidence of wrongdoing, then brought to a public place, such as the pitcher’s mound at Yankee Stadium, where a crowd of 10s of thousands is massed.
His offenses are read over the PA system and the crowd is then invited to direct whatever animosity, whatever ill feelings, whatever punishment they wish for the weasel. The combined strength of focused contempt and rancor would penetrate the perp’s mind, causing severe discomfort, perhaps even resulting in stroke or seizure or disfigurement or even death. Particularly heinous or repeated offenses, especially against children, could reduce his entire body to a smouldering cinder.
In other words, I’m not entirely sure my mind doesn’t contain large numbers of a variety of thoughts I’d like very much for government, certain organizations, and several individuals to hear, amplified, repeatedly, forever.
Well, damn it. They don’t work? Back to the drawing board.
Screwing with the paranoid since 1995
It’s true. The tinfoil must cover your entire head. Get it as close as you can, leaving little slits just shy of the standard zappie wavelength, so the zappies can’t get in. It’s better than nothing.
But here’s a little known little trick to further protect yourself. If, while wearing your tinfoil headgear, if you will hold a standard 100W lightbulb metal end in your mouth, it lights up while your thoughts are being accessed from outside your head. When the light bulb lights up, start thinking about something as if you were somebody else, so they don’t know who is the real thinker thinking those thoughts.
And now you know the real reason they are trying to get us all to switch from real light bulbs to those curly things.
I think the real question on the whole thing isn’t so much if the tin foil is effective, but whether or not these radio waves from government satellites are actually strong enough to have more of an affect on the brain than the moon, sun, and a couple large galaxies. The moon and sun are the strongest source of radio waves in the sky. 3rd on the list is a galaxy (M81 if I recall correctly), followed by a couple other things.
Are they just the strongest *natural” objects?
Can manmade satellites put out an even stronger amount of radio waves?
If so, how dense are they by the time they get to the surface of the earth?
Little known fact: The position of the planets and stars at the time of ones birth are vital when it comes to astrology, but each of those individual bodies which pre-destin our lives forever and ever, exert less gravitational pull on us than a large table in the hospital room you are born in.
Our destiny may be determined not by the stars, but by the interior designer who put together the maternity ward.
Since tin foil is crinkly, my fedora is lined with a fine copper mesh, with a grounding wire that runs out the back, down my collar, all the way down inside my pants leg to a trailing ground strap. The fit of the fedora is snug. All this not only blocks most control waves, the ground dissipates static build up and provides a safety measure in case of lightening strike.
Also, I have installed a tuner and earbuds in the hat which enables me to pick up talk radio as I walk around.
Any significant static in the radio reception may indicate that I am the target of thought control broadcasts and/or mental scanning. In this event, I immediately deploy counter measures by firing up and watching a copy of the movie Deathstalker that I have stored on my iPad. This completely blocks any coherent communication in either direction and confuses the sinister reptilian life-forms that have taken over our government.
You must cover your whole head and b/4 you put it on you must cover the all of the ports in your head with plastic and tie it around your neck so nothing can leak in.
Ironic touched on it, I’ll finish it; the tinfoil helmet does absolutely no good unless it’s electrically grounded. Consult Jay Arr-uh for details.
Tinfoil is for amateurs. If you really want to be protected, you’re going to need something thicker and stronger.
And yes, I now realize that the top of my monitor could use a little dusting, or something. I was going to clean it and re-take the shot ’til I noticed the cat in the lower left and realized that I could never duplicate that pose in another million bajillion years, so I just ran with it.
Class dismissed.
What th’ fletcher’s farkle are u guys smokin?!
My bacon helmet not only detects microwave radiation, (I hear it sizzle.) but also repels Muslims.
Damned dogs!
Biden is safe.
Ok…… Had to wait till I was home at the Lair and had all the stuff:
The Zappie slits sound like I’m listening to a conch shell…..
I don’t have a fedora, so I lined my Boonie, tripped on the trailing ground wire and hit my head on the dining room table…. Anecdotal evidence of CIs gravitational Feng Shui assertion,
Geeze…. You forgot to mention breathing holes… Luckily I combined the tin foil, plastic bag and Paul’s Bacon headdress. As I was slowly suffocating, and losing consciousness, my 185# Saint Bernard smelled the Bacon.
Full helmet, plastic bag and bacon are now gone, but Mongo won’t stop licking my head…….
We have Got to refine these directions…..
I think tinfoil hats are effective as a mocking device against illiberals (I wear it to mock their accusations of conspiracy theories, which are conspiracy fact, and I put on my tinfoil hat while I’m doing it).
That being said, I know of no kind of electromagnetic radiation below the energy level of infrared light that has any effect on human thought processes (or any other biological processes for that matter). And tinfoil would not be effective at stopping those wavelengths.
*pppppppp*
Right On Sondra You’re Fannnntastioc. Damn I love this place.
And Doug—BAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! The Libs are all off the edge of their crackers!!!!!
Hog–Is that You??? LOL
^Walt (5) hold a standard 100W lightbulb metal end in your mouth
Walt is on to me.
But nobody mentioned that you also have to stick a foot long wad of tinfoil up your butt so your colon doesn’t act as a waveguide and send control signals right up your ass to your spine to your brain. Either that or keep yourself full of shit. Seems to work for Loose Cannon Biden.
That’s me, and one of my cats (Junior, to be exact).
^^^Dick, I tried all the others, but NOPE. That part is Exit Only.
Hog’s kitty…OWIE!!!!!!!
geezerette, the plastic bag thingy beminds me how the “Palestinians” put bags over their heads like that when bombs are going off. I think they might even blow air into them and tie them tight so the slingshotted rocks bounce off too:)
No, no slits in them for air– if air gets in the radio frequency electromagnetic radiation can still get through the air holes– make sure you tie it very tight around your neck . If you do blow air into them b/4 you tie it around your neck make sure it’s helium.
KO, my superiors have tasked me to send them this post and the entire comments to their headquarters in Area 51, with a copy to Roswell, New Mexico!!!!!!! STAT! (…they are especially interested in the “glow” that is emanating from the left side of Hog`s helmet?….)
The control part happens everyday. The radio waves enter our abodse as TV signals causing insidious, influential bullshit to appear on their TV screens. Tin foil (nor Hog’s salad bowl — which will leak around those unsealed edges, by the way) will not help with this. The only solution is to turn off the TV and/or put on a movie such as Marry Poppins or Citizen Kane.
I liked Wollf’s application of Paul’s bacon concept, by the way. Hog’s cat too; bet he looks at Hog a lot that way. (Zippo lighter, anyone?)
23: …they are especially interested in the “glow” that is emanating from the left side of Hog`s helmet?….
Yeah. MIB will be calling on Hog soon. Probably he has a plan in place to deal with this.
My hobby is development of a disk-shaped aricraft (and mine really flies… sort of). Anyhow, in dayreaming casually about aliens descending to the planet, the concept of Little Green Men came forward and just past the parietal lobe.
Turns out that Little Green Men might quite reasonably wear tinfoil over their entire bodies. That would be absolutely essential if their “flying saucers” were powered by the extraordinarily high voltages available in the magnetic lines of force undulating about this planet.
Understand this better by studying the claims, drawings and models of Bob Lazar’s Area 51 flying saucer; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Lazar
Tinfoil would reflect the vegetation about them as they walked about and they would indeed be green if they were bipedal.
Moreover, it would be essential for them to protect eyes (if they had them) with disks of conductive black screen.
And there you have a hypothetical explanation and a marvelous justification for Unthink! Unthink! Unthink!
By the way,
this is nothing new.
From the intro, it appears that immunity from the rays comes from a high collar or wings on your helmet.
^ 27 — For the classic immunity from rays look:
http://www.eso.org/public/outreach/eduoff/vt-2004/mt-2003/mt-mercury-statue.jpg
Tin hat – check.
Wings – check.
High collar – nope.
Sun tan oil – likely.
Clothing – optional.
AFDB
Now try and back away – sloooowly…
PS: It’s them ALEENS agin, momma! Git mah shotgun!”
PPS: Satisfied Customers!
“We (a husband and wife team) felt we did not need to include each day from the diary this time since each entry is getting to be repetitive. We have been sleeping very well and have had no unusual experiences since the evaluation of the Thought Screen Helmet. I must say we were a bit skeptical as to it working but we looked at it in comparison to magnetic therapy that so many people have claimed works. Now many doctors are recommending magnets as part of treatment for various things. By blocking or reflecting thought energy seems to be a most practical way of dealing with alien influences and in preventing abduction scenarios.”
“Still nothing new to report here…so it must work!”
“Congrats…my life has changed for the better…new job, new confidence etc.”
“Thank you, thank you, for your work in this area. Your efforts to protect those of us who have been victims of this living nightmare are most appreciated.”
“I am happy to report that the Thought Screen Helmet has been performing beautifully! It’s been over six months now and NOT ONE INCIDENT! Aside from some of the naive neighborhood kids and their taunting it’s been a blissful period.”
“The aliens clearly do not like the helmet.” (This statement is from a woman abductee and her five year old daughter who was also being abducted. The aliens harassed the five year old and threatened her that something terrible would happen to her mother if her mother did not stop wearing the helmet. The girl was so frightened by the aliens that her mother stopped wearing the helmet and they both were taken.)
“I have slept now every night for a week. I though that I would never sleep through the night again due to the operations in my head. My husband presented me with the helmet you sent me. I said to him, “honey this is not going to work,” I am a skeptic and told him I did not ever expect to sleep well again. But my husband Steve said I should try it for him, he cares about me so much so I did. Well the first night I slept peacefully dreaming about normal and peaceful things. I said perhaps it was because I was so sleep deprived. Well, the next night I slept again peacefully and have every night since. I thank you so very much, it works!”
“The Thought Screen Helmet is working perfectly. I have not had contact with the aliens since I first started using it. Though twice now coming back from work, I have noticed lights following to the rear of my car, so now I take the helmet with me in the car in case I am abducted. “
“I am using the material (Velostat) in my hat. I wear it to bed. I sleep better than I have in a long time. But it’s hard to tell if it works or not. I think it works.”
“I want to thank you and thank Jesus. The helmet works. …I don’t feel alone any more.”
“I am able to fight it off. The helmet is working for me.”
“My son has been wearing the helmet since December 2000. A Neurologist and pediatrician both say that he has made dramatic improvement in his behavior, ability to process information, and he gives me eye contact. My son has been open with me about his dreams and abduction experiences. He wears the helmet after school and at night.”
“I wore the helmet nightly for about 3-4 months after receiving it. I stopped “dreaming” of alien encounters, and am not aware of any strange events since that time, in spite of witnessing odd lights in the fall of 2000. I have awakened twice in the past year with a strange headache and sore spot at the base of the right side of my skull. I was not wearing a helmet either time, and I don’t have any associated memories. I’ve noted in the past that grays and possibly others have had interest in two of my four children. The have not reported remembering any experiences, and I’m not aware of any recent activity.”
“Just thought I would let you know there has been no more problems since we started wearing the helmets. We are finally getting some good peaceful sleep after about three years.”
“The hat and helmet work very well and I have experience much relief wearing them. I am however, surprised that the aliens have not found a way to thwart this simple but effective technology. At any rate I am very happy with mine and thank you again for your work.”
“I am still wearing the helmet [as of fall, 2012]. To my knowledge, I have not had any encounters with the grays since wearing it. [Before wearing the helmet] I frequently would have nightmares with them in it, hear weird noises at night, hear a weird vibration above the house, or wake up in weird positions the following morning after waking. I am no longer having those problems. I also have not had any nightmares with them in it either and have actually been sleeping much more soundly. Nothing unusual or out of the ordinary has happened at all for a while.”
Channelin Sam again, huh? You GOTTA quit smokin that shit, man!
Mojo, please consider your audience.
Just great. I’ll report tomorrow, not just as to the effects on “weird dreams”, but also as to the stability of my marriage after going to bed with Doug’s Aluminum hat on…..
Okay fine, but just this once…
Happy now?
shit…
Where’s the sqvirrel?^^
Hog, did you steal the hogs wings? How’s he going to fly now?
Now I remember!
Johnny Appleseed wore a tin cooking pot for a hat.
(What? Well, okay, yeah; but he knew ‘em secret gummint radio rays were a’comin’ someday!)
35: Hog’s head is starting to glow….
36: I’m with mech — Where’s the sqvirrel?
Caged (#6): “The position of the planets and stars at the time of ones birth are vital when it comes to astrology, but each of those individual bodies which pre-destin our lives forever and ever, exert less gravitational pull on us than a large table in the hospital room you are born in.”
Or, for that matter, the doctor who assists with the delivery.
But – we need not be concerned about radio-wave mind control (as someone pointed out, it’s the content (e.g, “The View”) that’s deleterious).
What we really need to worry abut is them danged contrails, which spray mind-control chemicals all over the place. For that, you need a #8 breather filter.
oh, fer christ cryin’ from the cross…
Now are you happy?
^ sqvirrel at last!! :-D