audience participation tiiiiiiiiime

Because by 2016 half the country will collectively recognize how damn stupid it is, drive the far left into the remote north to be polar bear food, and reinvigorate the long-dead film industry by lionizing the steadfast heroes who made it through the dark ages with skill, dashing good looks, and plucky determination, your life is now being turned into a blockbuster motion picture epic.

Who’s playing you?

Finish your assignment! »

I get this guy. Gingers, represent.

39 Comments!

  1. kinlaw
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 9:46 pm |

    Owen Wilson.

  2. MikeG
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 9:58 pm |

    Clint Eastwood. Yeah he has about 30 years on me, but after 4 more years of Obama, it will be hard to tell the two of us apart.

  3. Lord of the Fleas
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm |

    John Cleese. The man reeks of cynicism.

  4. Steve Skubinna
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 10:30 pm |

    Me. Duh.

  5. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 11:29 pm |

    Shawnee Smith.

  6. mech
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 11:41 pm |

    Robert Downey Jr.

  7. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 11:42 pm |

    ^OMG! LOL!

  8. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 11:52 pm |

    I can actually see Chris Walken playing Doug :)

  9. Paul Moore
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 12:51 am |

    Zombie Yul Brynner
    but taller…

  10. staghounds
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 2:34 am |

    Zombie Peter Lorre. But shorter.

  11. Annoyed White Male
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 3:12 am |

    Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

  12. Mumblix Grumph
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 3:53 am |

    The guy who was in that show with that girl…you know, him. No, not that guy, the other one!

  13. Jess
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 4:43 am |

    Daniel Craig; and he’ll be a vindictive bastard.

  14. Veranda
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 5:11 am |

    ^12 hey, I’m that girl

  15. icemaned13
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 5:50 am |

    Gary Sinise

  16. Freddie Sykes
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 6:26 am |

    The late Edmond O’brien.

  17. Posted November 16, 2012 at 7:12 am |

    Kieffer Sutherland and I have shared a similar visage since the lost boys. Including hair loss. If he’ll grow a goatee and shave his head, I suppose he’ll do.

    I’d do it myself, but I’ll be busy hiding my spoils of war.

  18. Zipser
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 7:20 am |

    Walter Pidgeon. When I was a tyke I saw him in a movie, may have been Disney, and from that point on I wanted to grow up to be someone who, in their old age, wore a tweed jacket with patches at the elbow, smoked a pipe and carried a shotgun with elan.

    Oh, and killed bad guys as well.

  19. apotheosis
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 7:32 am |

    > and carried a shotgun with elan.

    I say, I don’t object to whatever transportation you want but a shotgun really looks better in a Ford than a Lotus.

  20. rustbucket
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 7:34 am |

    Zombie Walter Brennan, but not as spry…

  21. Posted November 16, 2012 at 8:20 am |

    Sean Connery (in his “From Russia with Love” incarnation). Why actually pick someone that looks like me? Duh!

  22. SteveHGraham
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 8:38 am |

    William Conrad. May have to CGI him, though.

  23. Posted November 16, 2012 at 8:40 am |

    Uploaded with ImageShack.us

    Yeah, that guy

  24. mojo
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 8:40 am |

    Can’t stop the signal, Mal.

  25. Posted November 16, 2012 at 9:49 am |

    I don’t care who they get to play me, but for my girl friend I want Suanne Braun.

    What? Oh yea well you see I was watching Stargate the other day and lets face it Hathor is Hot.

    And you’re right I don’t have a girlfriend just don’t tell the guy writing the script.

  26. DougM (Well, thaaat sucked!)
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 10:43 am |

    You’re kidding, right?

  27. apotheosis
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 11:10 am |

    I’da been disappointed if it’d been anyone else.

  28. PeggyU
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 11:37 am |

    Going to have to be zombie Lee Van Cleef. I had to go find out if he was alive. :(

    Hey, Eli Wallach is still kicking, though! :D

    I’d love to say Zooey Deschanel, but Doris Roberts is probably more realistic.

  29. Posted November 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm |

    Photobucket

  30. rickn8or
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 12:35 pm |

    John Wayne of course.

    And DougM #26: “Angel Eyes”??

  31. JoeBandMember™
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm |

    The robot from “Lost In Space”.

    “Danger, Will Robinson”

  32. mech
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm |

    Sondra, you sent me on a pleasant search.

    I never knew her name and now won’t forget.

  33. Fat Baxter
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 6:22 pm |

    Marvin the depressed robot from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

  34. mech
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 6:37 pm |

    Ann Margaret for Melissa?

    Just a thought. . .

  35. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted November 16, 2012 at 11:06 pm |

    Sean Connery as cast in “The Untouchables”

  36. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 12:03 am |

    Audie Murphy, except a lot shorter, dropping cluster bomb units *CBUs* in a Sopwith Camel at the battle of San Jacinto, plus strafing the Mexican solders at Goliad……and….dropping torpedoes in the Rio Grande at Brownsville that sunk Mexican boatloads of soldiers at Laredo……………………

  37. Sean
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 8:49 am |

    A dolphin. A dolphin that speaks 7 languages and knows Kung Fu. And has freaking laser…. Nah. Too implausible. Just cast a dolphin.

  38. Lance
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 11:05 am |

    Telly Savalas!
    Or anyone else that gets a role opposite Raquel Welch!

  39. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 1:06 pm |

    “Spanky” CO of *Our Gang*. An the cute lil girl, played by Melissa (actual…), but platonic…..