and now your weekend health food moment

Bacon Jam.


  • 3 pounds bacon
  • 4 large yellow onions, peeled and thinly sliced
  • 8 cloves garlic, smashed with the flat side of a knife or a pan and peeled
  • 1 cup cider vinegar
  • 1 cup packed light-brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup pure maple syrup
  • 1 1/2 cups very strong brewed black coffee
  • 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper


  1. Cut the bacon slices into one inch strips. Add the bacon to a Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Cook the bacon, stirring frequently, until the bacon is browned. Use a slotted spoon to transfer the bacon to a paper-towel lined plate. Drain all but 2 tablespoons of the bacon drippings into a heat-proof jar with a tight-fitting lid. Save the bacon drippings in the refrigerator. That’s too much flavor to trash!
  2. Place the Dutch oven back over the medium-high heat and add the onions and garlic. Stir well and reduce heat to medium. Continue to cook for about 8 minutes, or until the onions are mostly translucent. Add the remaining ingredients, stir well, and drop heat again, this time to low.
  3. Bring to a boil, stirring frequently, and boil hard for 2 minutes. After 2 minutes, stir the browned bacon into the onions and liquid.
  4. Simmer uncovered, stirring occasionally to make sure things aren’t sticking, adding 1/4 cup of water if it seems to be drying out. When the onions are meltingly soft and the liquid is thick and syrupy, remove the dutch oven from the heat and let stand for 5 minutes.
  5. Transfer the contents of the Dutch oven to the work bowl of a food processor that has been fitted with a blade. Fit the lid in place and pulse several times or until the Bacon Jam is a spreadable consistency. Scrape into a jar (or jars) or a container with a tight fitting lid. Store in the refrigerator for up to one month.
  6. Can be served cold, room temperature or warmed.

It’s got protein and vegetables, that’s health food.


  1. Alan outback bacon czar
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 10:59 am |

    Got to try some of that.

  2. Posted November 17, 2012 at 11:31 am |

    Sounds like something I would put on a ham sandwich with a thick slice of aged Swiss cheese and Miracle Whip! Toasted caraway rye bread goes without saying.

    And a beer!

  3. Posted November 17, 2012 at 12:27 pm |

    Totally off subject (though I’m gonna seriously try Bacon Jam,) you and this site have been my salvation since the recent election. My Sat Radio failed me in the two or three weeks prior to the elections; I was forced to endure talk radio and talk radio and Woo-woo radio till they found a new satellite. I turned to you to help me keep my sanity and you didn’t let me down! Now, I can be CRAZY with all these other CRAZIES! We can plot Bacon Jam and government overthrow, and never miss a beat!

    GAWD! I LOVE the Internet!

  4. SteveHGraham
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 12:43 pm |

    Put some marshmallow Fluf in that, hippie.

  5. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 1:49 pm |

    And, if you want to mow down hunnerts of starvin Proggiebots, use smoked and peppered bacon from New Braunsfal, Texas or the same from Virginia, which you can get in 3 pound cured slabs! They make *store bought* bacon seem like buyin vibram soles!!!!

    The SMELL is wot will attract the P-bots (…even the vegans…)—-thus providing a field of fire downwind—– that would serve as justifiable home defense; specially when the coroner`s reports leans, by dint of clothes, tattoos, embedded metal on faces & genitals—combined w police records,—-toward the dead being the protaginists……….

    APO, you may axe Headmissey bout the accuracy of my hypothesis, as I jist sent her a mess of both smoke cured bacon, Canadian Bacon & Corgi bits to knaw on…………….

  6. apotheosis
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 1:58 pm |

    I buy all my bacon as smoked ends & pieces from the local butcher, Colonel. Cheap and great for puttin’ in beans. But that slab does sound awful good.

    I figure either would do right by this recipe. I can’t wait to try it on a burger!

  7. Jess
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 2:21 pm |

    I scan the internet for food porn. This post is one of the best ever.

  8. Alan outback bacon czar
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm |

    That would really be good on a burger.

  9. JoeBandMember©®
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 5:37 pm |

    That and some peanut butter on toast would be wunnerful, wunnerful.

  10. apotheosis
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 6:13 pm |

    Oh, and Anon.? Welcome to the porch, glad to have ya.

  11. accipiter NW
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 6:32 pm |

    Sounds great. Now substitute bacon jelly into the inside of a twinkie and you’ve got something JFK would have loved- “Ich bin ein Berliner infidel!”

  12. DougM (Well, thaaat sucked!)
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm |

    You had me at “bacon.”

  13. ZZMike
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 7:53 pm |

    Speaking of bacon …..:


    … we began a very unhealthy morning routine: eat a slice of bacon, try a version of Baconnaise, eat a slice of bacon. Compare. Improve. Repeat. Over the 6 months it took us to make Baconnaise, we estimate that we probably ate 20 pounds of bacon, consumed 5 large jars of mayonnaise and took 2 years off of our lives – looking for that exact and delicious flavor that we would be proud to call Baconnaise.

    PS: It’s kosher

    I asked them (by eMail) early on why it didn’t have real bacon; they replied that real bacon wouldn’t keep fresh in mayo jars.

    And so far, I haven’t found it in local (So. Cal) markets.

  14. mech
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 8:31 pm |

    Where do I place my order?

    I’ll tradeTwinkees,

  15. apotheosis
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 8:43 pm |

    Now I just have to figger out how where to find a damn pressure canner that’ll work on one of those fancy induction stovetops so I can put some of this stuff up in the pantry for after the apocalypse.

  16. SherryM
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 8:45 pm |

    I like to mix bacon drippings and butter in a 50/50 mix. It wonderful to fry leftover turkey lightly seasoned with lawry’s seasoning salt. Take 2 slices of dressing toasted and spread with cranberry sauce and make a sandwich with it all.

  17. ZZMike
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm |

    PS: A dash of bacon grease (no idea what the metric equivalent of “a dash” is) added to pancake batter will make terrific pancakes.

  18. Paul Moore
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 10:06 pm |

    I can bring the home made rye bread. Add a fried egg and you could call this breakfast.

  19. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted November 17, 2012 at 11:54 pm |

    How can you make a sammich w cranberry sauce? It is shaped like the can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. SherryM
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 12:42 am |

    If using the caned stuff you can put it in a food processor and make it like a spread.

  21. Posted November 18, 2012 at 2:20 am |

    Food? FOOD???!!!

    Is that all you people can think about at a time like this?! I mean, we’re in an INTERNATIONAL CRISIS!, fer chrissakes! Iran’s got The Bomb, Israel is being attacked from all sides (including our own lovely, traitorous jewfolk), Kim-Ass Dong is doing the Hokey-Pokey©, the Economy is in a complete shithole, and god knows what we have in the White House, and all you people can talk about is FOOD???!!!

    Wait a sec… are you sure three pounds of bacon is enough? I was thinking 3½ pounds might be better, but maybe that’s just me.

    Okay, back to Global Thermo-Nukular Warfare. Sorry to interrupt, but I still think more bacon would be good.

  22. apotheosis
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 5:12 am |

    This isn’t just food, hog.

    This here’s mooslimbane. Spread this shit all over you and not only will it drive off allah-peanut-butter-sandwiches, but the ladies will go wild for ya.

  23. Posted November 18, 2012 at 7:56 am |

    ^ Thanks Apotheosis, but I already got my hands full in the ladies department. Ever since I moved into this apartment dealie for old people who still aren’t quite ready for ‘The Ranch’, I realized that I’m outnumbered by about 12-1. Make that 14-1.

    It’s not entirely without its benefits. They make me soup, and stuff.

    One of them even has an old Basset Hound that mourns and howls whenever she’s gone, and even when she’s still here. His name is Zorba. Me and Zorba co-miserate and share smoked ham together. Oy.

    You should be able to hear him on my next album, if I live that long. I’m still trying to get my lawyer to figure-out how to pay royalties to a Basset Hound.

  24. LostLiberty
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 8:15 am |

    I agree, food porn!
    Hog, my momma always use to say, more is always better!

  25. Melissa In Texas
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 10:16 am |

    THIS sounds incredible!
    I am about to go into full Betty Fookin’ Crocker mode for the holidays…
    *starts shopping list…

  26. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted November 18, 2012 at 12:34 pm |

    Sherry missed my cranberry joke—-FAIL!

  27. ZZMike
    Posted November 19, 2012 at 12:26 pm |

    COL Jerry (#19): “How can you make a sammich w cranberry sauce? It is shaped like the can!!!”

    You gotta think outside the can. (1) Take yer squishy white bread and cut out circles with the open can. (2) Carefully remove the cranberry sauce, lay it out, cut along the major axis.

    Hog (#21): That’s nice, have a glass tea, enjoy.