*waves*

gubbmunt work

They started out to “look for terrifying terrorists” emailing *b00m* plots from overseas. But once they got the toys equipment, what-the-hell — let’s watch everyone! Sooner or later *someone* will do *something* wrong.

the emails of virtually everybody in the country. And the FBI has access to it. All the congressional members are on the surveillance too, no one is excluded. They are all included. So, yes, this can happen to anyone. If they become a target for whatever reason – they are targeted by the government, the government can go in, or the FBI, or other agencies of the government, they can go into their database, pull all that data collected on them over the years, and we analyze it all.

Typical gubbmint efficiency…

That’s why they’re building Bluffdale [UT] [database facility], because they have to have more storage, because they can’t figure out what’s important, so they are just storing everything there. So, emails are going to be stored there in the future, but right now stored in different places around the country. But it is being collected – and the FBI has access to it.

Wonder when they’re start following the mailmen around in little Volt vans, taking all your snail mail, opening it, xeroxing it, stealing the coupons and stuffing it back in your mailbox…

*waves to all the Boyz n Gurlz in Fort Meade Bluffdale*

Finish your assignment! »

The first guy who sez, “But I have nothing to hide!” gets a *smack* [bad kind] and a one way trip to the Fulsom Street Faire.

just sayin….

.

38 Comments!

  1. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 10:13 am |

    I encrypt all my anti-gummint terroristic nefarious email plans with an unbreakable ROT-13 cipher.

  2. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 10:14 am |

    BTW steganography, look into it.

  3. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 10:15 am |

    Relax. That’ll be illegal soon.

  4. Alan outback bacon czar
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 10:38 am |

    My emails will be responsible for boring readers to death.

  5. USMC2841
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 11:00 am |

    IP based phone systems (VOIP) are susceptible as well. Converting voice to binary makes it easier to copy and save off.

  6. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 11:05 am |
    PAQMX GGYVU VZFGT CMHTN NGEZH YKGQH ATQXU
    ABEQK DTZDC RRYUH WNRJV TCUAT GENPM MGHRH
    GDVMU ERTTA XTZFJ TEMZN YQQWR JZNNE XDQZV
    JVKKD CRDWP MFHCD WJHKQ QDKPV BWMDW YRPNE
    VRVVD NTQTB RMECE QXBZH TCNJA HEFGR VZEXQ
    UQUDP XZNPR VUYMM KYPPJ FJJYC JXHFA QMCHV
    UCBQT QZQQZ DEAWR DRTAF QUWXC KCFPZ RRHUK
    DQNNR JGEMN KVKGZ AKPYN GGBPZ MEHVD JDTWZ
    PAMQJ TVVDJ GUJTW UUJUX GPRHV RDABJ RNUFT
    BBGNT HUDDP JDGNT HDDCR XZHHT DZFCV YDHFT
    ZJYTG FXHPN HXADR YPFCQ

    Knock yourselves out, fibbies.

  7. MikeG
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 11:13 am |

    So It might be sorta fun to start leading them on wild goose chases. Writing emails about my reconditioned Sherman tank that I keep in my garage and the nuclear warhead in the trunk of my Chevy Volt.

  8. Freddie Sykes
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 11:15 am |

    They will have too much information to be of use… but more than enough information to convict us of our three felonies a day if we should ever happen to stand up and draw attention to ourselves.

    I mainly worry about Rodger as he seems the type most likely to go all Cody Jarrett on their asses.

  9. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 11:31 am |

    MikeG,

    QCWCD BRRUX QYZCX QENVG FRAZE BPWZH YJAXT
    QDKRU BEUUZ FHCKT GTCVG XEZYY ADGUP XDVJQ
    YVACV ECRFF KBHYZ FXYMC GGPEU UGVXP CUGXH
    UEMPH UUGEE CJPBA RHXPK HNCCE MFJUD YVUMH
    ENQJT QQFDF QUBTQ KGNTR UHFYY VRTMB QJDUH
    AQKTR WBFVP QPGYM AAZMZ BWBHY EMCYM GPBAK
    KEZUM WDCAZ DMUFX UVCEX FFYFB YTXVC YGHZY
    EWUNC BZPFQ 

    Also, a randomly-chosen box of Little Debbie Marshmallow Pies, IN THE NAME OF TWINKIE THE KID.

    The Eagle Poops At Midnight. Mum’s the word.

  10. rickn8or
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm |

    Hmmmm. Ya think now the Effa Bee Eye can find those Fast n’ Furious e-mails that Issa’s been demanding??

  11. Posted December 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm |

    Apo…. Sorry, I can’t make it this weekend, and Little Debbie is with her mom the following week.

  12. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 12:18 pm |

    Aw man, I hired mimes to hold up the targets and everything.

  13. hank
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 12:30 pm |

    unbreakable ROT-13 cipher

    ROT-13 is so yesterday. We use ROT-26 here. Twice the protection!

    BTW steganography, look into it.

    Attended a talk once where the guys had looked at many many images on usenet, supposedly looking for the hidden messages. IMHO, they basically had a grant and the funding to download porn all day. They didn’t find anything, but I’m not sure how exhaustive the investigation was. (They basically looked for statistical anomalies in the underlying images, but any modification (airbrushing?) would cause this, and there are ways to hide the messages w/out causing anomalies ata the level they were detecting.)

  14. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm |

    “Man, I coulda sworn Al-Qaida’s eleven secret herbs and spices for IED falafel was gonna be in that last issue of Penthouse. Oh well, back to alt.binaries.no.encrypted.messages.in.these.boobies.wink.wink.wink”

  15. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 1:20 pm |

    No worries here. I got an old german guy living near here and he informs me, “Vait Oberst J, I haf got a nother rotor undt vil add to jour Enigma. Nine, iss no vay dey can break, Ja!”

    {…Yea-ah right Hans, I can *hardly* wait dumpfkoff. Don`t git out much doya Hans?…..How long since you got crypts from Abwer comraad? That long; gottinhimmel!!!…}

  16. Posted December 5, 2012 at 2:18 pm |

    Claire,

    You’re just being paranoid again. Pay no attention to that bug in the bottom of your purse. It’s probably just a normal cockroach that hitchiked here from NYC or DC.

    Amazingly lifelike though, dontcha think?

  17. TheOldMan
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm |

    OPCBA CODVU JEJTG NFRLC BY

  18. Merovign
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 3:53 pm |

    IXNAY NOAY ETHAY ECRETSAY OTPLAY!

    EYTHAY AMAY EBAY ISTENLINGLAY!

  19. Merovign
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm |

    Honestly, I may have to reverse my traditional position of telling people not to forward all those dumb giant funny lists or long-debunked story e-mails.

    Security through overwhelming the snoops – forward that chain letter!

  20. mojo
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm |

    IXNAY. AMSCRAY.

  21. geezerette
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 4:35 pm |

    They all will be stored in the same place in a building in UT——-I’ve heard of that building——hmmm— no no — I think it’s wonderful—really I do—my fingers are not crossed behind my back—- it’s for the children right????????

  22. mech
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 4:49 pm |

    So you’re telling me that if I don’t catch up on my encryption tech, i’ll be a steganosarus?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    The chair is against the other wall

  23. Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:01 pm |

    Isn’t there such a thing as a random number generator?

    Get one and send random numbers, in groups of five — the old traditional – to all your friends in the know, to which they will respond with a single digit. Everybody in your friend circle always uses the same previously agreed upon single digit. And then sends another random number, half in length, to the next in the chain.

    Cheap entertainment for all. Keep the snoops busy.

    And if anybody is caught and interrogated, insist that it isn’t a code at all, it’s just a random number. Smile when you say it.

  24. Fat Baxter
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:08 pm |

    Test

  25. Fat Baxter
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:11 pm |

    Interesting. I can’t post a link from Sipsey Street Irregulars. Fibbies must be lurking.

  26. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:14 pm |

    Walt:

    GCYMW HFMJD QFGKZ GQEFZ BQHWV GXTPH ZJQTX
    QXXPJ ECQGT MZPGD MTCMV NTDQP KDYWY TXNXZ
    AEWTD YUDWD ZCMER VNZXJ TGYZG TJBFN XUXWA
    YYXJM PEQRP BWVDX TKUNP HCFQW JBDPQ EGRMK
    NVZPX NHRBV EBBFJ UYBJV YUNNZ WKRVR RWVYB
    MPVDM CWTBR ZEMNF BUTUT HYQMR VMDAC GDBTP
    XAZWG DWRZK FTKWT EEVMP BKDEC ZVFUW XNPQE
    MBHED JNFUC RUFTN ACPJH QWKVQ KPEHY QZGWE
    VCDCW ZYVWD GFVRQ KUTNP RYGQP KBMUH JKRXT
    EHQVE CRETV YKRFV TTHXW VVAJW TDQEE DKTAJ
    GNPPV XEWEF QFGAY RRTMQ ZJMKH MJWBK NUJZY
    RKPKQ MZTHT ZKUWX YFUQW FNJPZ UPVVQ RQAKH
    CZZDP WUXRY BURYV FXMYM HQMQJ HPNKZ GAWYV
    PDRUN UHWCP HXXDA HXVBC YDKKT YKBZA MYKHT
    FBHXG PNQWE AMCPH GBKYM BTKDA ZYRDH PZXQT
    VZCAB VFGAU XTQVP RPUAJ BXBBE EXQVC EDXKK
    NHUBJ NJNKD BPFKN AHTBR QCTEQ QRFJM PTDMK
    AANZV NVEKM QFRWE YXHDH UWAYR PFRVE FTXPC
    ZQQDF XCJXU BBJEV CTBDM GZAWQ PFMXX HNYND
    WYWHG GGEFC YNWWP RBCTW AMWAB VVUGT MMNKW
    GBTGJ MAUDW QDNZF QZWMV ATMZB HTGBE HWERF
    VQEZC QTEQR HWWFN MHTHW KDUUR FTMCH HKGAW
    XFZQH YRFRZ HMNCD XVQWK RYCKF VYVRD HUPGK
    NGUGN KWXUH FWZTC CZBPU FCMUH UDAXE RHVWX
    GUYZT WWXQP AUHJU QVPRD UXWUU EWKDE AFWRC
    WKUGA ZCNHF CZNKM FCTGD XEBQC RYHHD CAVUT
    UFPJV GJXBZ XYRPM CZMPC RVVWM MTHGV PMMQZ
    HABEK VZHUB NGKPP FDPCR AZPCY DEGBD GCVRB
    PZEAJ PFEMM GBXTQ AZREP NXYJA VYTNW YWYPQ
    KZACZ EBBAQ GQXVN YGYDP XHZNP YCYZE EDPUM
    DVWMW KVKCK GVQBT HUWTU RWHQT UAHVQ VUXMK
    MWXZP BDEVK AXKFK YDEYA ACRVJ MVRBC TRUDC
    BBEDF BZWHN CTXKE HAHRB DKEAE ZFNET QZFAZ
    NMHJN TPBCN ZCVDK TJJBC TWHZE BJKWJ RYVQA
    QAUWW QCMCY JDNDB UUTRU QWUGB DKNHB VEJVM
    PDHCW CCXUZ DPJCD KFQBA NVNNN JUHRQ TZWEN
    JRXQQ TNZBC

    …but other than that, great idea.

  27. Fat Baxter
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 5:30 pm |

    Anyone else having trouble posting links tonight?

  28. MikeG
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 6:11 pm |

    Apo,

    I’m in. Oh, and Uncle Bob says that the package has been delivered but we’re waiting on the pregnant hippo to return with the fine silver.

  29. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm |

    All is going according to plan.

  30. Posted December 5, 2012 at 7:42 pm |

    Acomuwiw, Nit-te leyic.
    Nopal tahk skat leyinuhk.

    The stories are told. The stories are true. If only it weren’t true.

    Read that, Fibbies……. Oh, my translation of the People of the Dawn doesn’t matter, Pesko/ Maliseet is worse than Navaho Code Talk. Nothing fits.

    Grandad was Peskotomuhkati.

  31. Lance
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm |

    Apo (26) I’ma gonna decipher your ROT-13 encoded message & tell
    Head Missy SondraK & all the Porch Minkees what you said!
    Caesar said I could do it!

  32. apotheosis
    Posted December 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm |

    Nuh uh ROT-13 is unbreakable. And besides, I’m sitting in a Faraday cage behind seven proxies.

  33. PeggyU
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 1:20 am |

    FDoU FyouU FthinkU FtheyU FwillU FhaveU FtroubleU FdecodingU FthisU F?U

  34. John A
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 6:56 am |

    Please explain how, if I use a FIOS to send a FAX (or just talk) a warrant is required to store/read it, but using it for EMail means it can be intercepted and stored (and presumably sorted in several ways, which requires “reading” at least parts) is OK?

  35. apotheosis
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 7:05 am |

    Good question, John.

    Software pirates have argued for years that copying software illegally isn’t really stealing, because they’re not actually “taking” anything in the sense of a single physical object being taken from the owner by a second party without the owner’s consent.

    I wonder how they’ll react when essentially the same argument is used against their inboxes. Should be fun to watch.

  36. rickn8or
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 10:51 am |

    apo, using the software pirates thinking, how about I copyright all my e-mails??

  37. mojo
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 12:33 pm |

    There are indeed “real” random number generators, but they tend to be expensive and kinda wonky. Pulling cosmic ray noise out of the upper atmosphere, that sort of thing.

    Mostly we use “Pseudo” random number generators. Their output isn’t truly random, but it’s “random enough”. Unless, of course, some nefarious nogoodnik gets in there and screws with it. Prime method of crippling a cryptosystem, by radically lowering the key space.

    That’s what NSA does to public systems.

  38. DougM (Well, thaaat sucked!)
    Posted December 6, 2012 at 4:27 pm |

    John has a long mustache.

    Monitoring communications is what you do to the enemy
    and to those who might be leaking classified or operational info to the enemy.
    Guess what that make us?
    (What? I know nuth-thing!)