Your Morning Chill


There is an endless crowd of them, all dressing down, embracing what they think is authenticity, their voice frozen into a lecturing tone, their bookshelves crowded with inspiring tales of white people helping others in the Third World and finding their deeper soul in the process. They all have too many degrees, too many plans and too much power.

Some are dogmatically of the left. Many more are cluelessly so, mouthing dogma that they do not really understand and that has been boiled down for them into simple terms. These don’t see politics, just a nebulous compassion that requires forcing everyone to pay for the good of the less fortunate, even if that money incidentally goes to line their own pockets. And worse still, even the most apolitical of this group, have developed an innate busybody allegiance to rules. They are the six and seven figure hall monitors who have become convinced that people need keeping tabs on and that no community can achieve its best self without people like them to compel everyone to follow the rules.

If they are not in a position where they can make rules, they will seek one out, in some volunteer capacity, such as a homeowner’s association, that will allow them to do it. They are cheerful control freaks who dress up an innate lust for power in ski parkas, morning bike rides with the kids and lists of rules and penalties so long that a KGB agent would be set back on his heels. They do not think of themselves as the police state, they even like to imagine themselves as rebels and risk takers, but they are the backbone of the emerging progressive police state.

Auditors think that to live is to die, and to be a specific person is to live, so an Auditor finds itself imploding if it so much as talks about itself in the first person. Auditors always speak of the “we”. Auditors always work in groups of at least three, so that each one can be watched by at least two others. Supposedly all Auditors are of the same opinions about everything, but they still need to watch each other because, frankly, the temptation to live is too great.

…Auditors tend to be very unpopular … for breaking the world to make things the way they ought to be. Auditors think that everything should obey basic physics (i.e. it should not be affected by imagination, perceptions, or thoughts, which sentient beings possess in amounts that seem to the Auditors to be unacceptable). Auditors also think that things should be regular (i.e. all cobblestones should be exactly same size and shape), and all spoken words ought to be literal and there ought not be metaphors. Auditors have tried at various times to … make time stop so that the Auditors can finally catch up with all the paperwork.

Finish your assignment! »

…just sayin’


  1. Posted December 17, 2012 at 7:01 am |

    Vive le resistance.

  2. Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:03 am |

    Good thing the town I live in has made home-owners’ associations illegal.

  3. mojo
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 8:58 am |

    Me, I’m getting a job as a police informer.

  4. DougM (Well, thaaat sucked!)
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 9:29 am |

    Re: the closing sentence
    Qubble: it doesn’t necessarily take a police state to make a totalitarian one. American Progs have always been “nicer” than their fascist and socialist brethren, and post-1930s Progs have overtly rejected the uniformed police-state approach, but they have never ever abandoned their totalitarian ideal.
    (What? Words vs deeds, my friend, words vs deeds.)

  5. mojo
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 10:16 am |

    “When word and deed conflict, believe the action, every damn time.”

  6. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 10:54 am |

    OR——-when word and deed do NOT conflict: Frame it and hang it on your fucking wall!!!!!!!

  7. Posted December 17, 2012 at 11:40 am |

    Infiltrate: Join the police state, and sabotage it. Patrol, but don’t report. Passive-aggressive civil disobedience. It worked in the 60s. Now we’re the new counter-culture.

  8. mojo
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 11:49 am |

    Plus, you get paid for shopping the opposition.

  9. MikeG
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 12:03 pm |

    Many, (I hate to lump em all together,) of these gummint employees have little interest in helping those in the “lower” class become productive citizens. I see it up close and personal with our son. Bright kid of 21, but his brain is wired a bit diferently. Autism, Asberger’s, ADHD, or some dang thing. They never did decide what. He lives fairly independently on what SSI pays and a few an odd jobs here and there, but finding steady employment has been a challenge. The people who said they could “help” would be quite happy for him to waste his time and talents working a menial labor job they could provide at WELL less than minimum wage. I guess they feel they can get away with that because they consider him disabled and they are doing him a favor?

    Heaven forbid he makes more than $85 a month at work because that is the point they start deducting money from SSI, then of course his rent goes up because that is based on his income. How many of you would stand for your rent going up everytime you got a raise? Where is the incentive to improve?

    I’ve been unemployed a few times in my life and have been to the “employment office” more times than I can count. They NEVER helped me get a job. Every job I had I got on my own. Our son worked with them once and it did not work out. When asked if they could help again, the lady said they could, but if it didnt work this time, they could not help again. Ever. It was a “rule” I guess.

    Fuck you.

    It might take a while, but with encouragement from family he will find a job on his own. Better pay, more rewarding. Guaranteed. Or possibly go back to school. As I said, intelligence is not the problem here.

    Don’t even get me started on the people who run the foster care things around here. That’s a rant for another time. These people are not the friends of those they claim to serve.

  10. DougM (Well, thaaat sucked!)
    Posted December 17, 2012 at 2:13 pm |

    The auditor thing:
    is that some kind’a Scientology reference?
    Or maybe they’re Midichlorians?

  11. drew458
    Posted December 19, 2012 at 4:52 pm |

    Crivens, ya wee scunners. Not recognizing the gray men, the auditors, the dhlang, without even following the link? Bill Death and Ronnie Soak will be disappointed.