…There is an endless crowd of them, all dressing down, embracing what they think is authenticity, their voice frozen into a lecturing tone, their bookshelves crowded with inspiring tales of white people helping others in the Third World and finding their deeper soul in the process. They all have too many degrees, too many plans and too much power.
Some are dogmatically of the left. Many more are cluelessly so, mouthing dogma that they do not really understand and that has been boiled down for them into simple terms. These don’t see politics, just a nebulous compassion that requires forcing everyone to pay for the good of the less fortunate, even if that money incidentally goes to line their own pockets. And worse still, even the most apolitical of this group, have developed an innate busybody allegiance to rules. They are the six and seven figure hall monitors who have become convinced that people need keeping tabs on and that no community can achieve its best self without people like them to compel everyone to follow the rules.
If they are not in a position where they can make rules, they will seek one out, in some volunteer capacity, such as a homeowner’s association, that will allow them to do it. They are cheerful control freaks who dress up an innate lust for power in ski parkas, morning bike rides with the kids and lists of rules and penalties so long that a KGB agent would be set back on his heels. They do not think of themselves as the police state, they even like to imagine themselves as rebels and risk takers, but they are the backbone of the emerging progressive police state.
Auditors think that to live is to die, and to be a specific person is to live, so an Auditor finds itself imploding if it so much as talks about itself in the first person. Auditors always speak of the “we”. Auditors always work in groups of at least three, so that each one can be watched by at least two others. Supposedly all Auditors are of the same opinions about everything, but they still need to watch each other because, frankly, the temptation to live is too great.
…Auditors tend to be very unpopular … for breaking the world to make things the way they ought to be. Auditors think that everything should obey basic physics (i.e. it should not be affected by imagination, perceptions, or thoughts, which sentient beings possess in amounts that seem to the Auditors to be unacceptable). Auditors also think that things should be regular (i.e. all cobblestones should be exactly same size and shape), and all spoken words ought to be literal and there ought not be metaphors. Auditors have tried at various times to … make time stop so that the Auditors can finally catch up with all the paperwork.