jackass math

“Still only 90,000 Americans have signed the White House petition to deport me. That leaves 310,910,000 who presumably want me to stay,” [Piers Morgan] tweeted Friday.

Okay, lessee, now … [rubs chin and squints one eye]
Obama received, what, about 66 million popular votes,
so usin’ Morgan’s logic,
245 million Americans want Obama deported.

Yep, reckon that sounds about right.

[ SK ]

…I can spare those Americans who want me deported a lot of effort by saying this: If you don’t change your gun laws to at least try to stop this relentless tidal wave of murderous carnage, then you don’t have to worry about deporting me.

Although I love the country as a second home and one that has treated me incredibly well, I would, as a concerned parent first – and latterly, of a one-year-old daughter who may attend an American elementary school like Sandy Hook in three years’ time – seriously consider deporting myself.


  1. Posted December 29, 2012 at 5:09 pm |

    Rather presumptuous of the little berk to presume that.

  2. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 5:50 pm |

    America’s Most Unwanted

  3. Max
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 6:01 pm |

    We’ve got no money; we can’t afford to pay the Brits enough to take him back.

  4. rickn8or
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 6:13 pm |

    Piers, I hate to break it to ya, but probably less than a million people in the U.S. have heard of you, let alone watched your “news reading.”

  5. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 6:47 pm |

    PLUS all the Brits who want him to stay.

  6. Fat Baxter
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 6:56 pm |

    Nothing special here. We got buttloads of unwanted aliens in the US.

    Does he know how to take an order in a cheap Mexican eatery? If so, he gets to stay.

  7. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 7:03 pm |

    Thanks for the update, Missy. Made my evening.
    Self deportation — gotta remember that one.

  8. geezerette
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm |

    Tweet Tweet Tweet cookoo birds tweet,

  9. mojo
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 7:18 pm |

    Please feel free to fuck off back to jolly olde, Chauncey.

  10. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 7:28 pm |

    Mister “don’t you know who I am” Morgan won’t have to worry about his daughter being safe from guns if she attends a public school…it’s only if she attends an elite private school attended by the children of various hypocrite liberals will she be in danger of being protected by a guard armed with a gun.

    Perhaps a public school in Chicago Mister Morgan?

  11. mech
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 8:26 pm |

    Think of this as a warm up. Next is a petition to remove teh precedent.

    I’d sign that and recruit as many as I could find to do the same.

    As for teh morgan person, I don’t have enough interest to find that petition to participate.

  12. Murphy(AZ)
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 10:20 pm |

    Does anyone think he’s serious? I mean, I could save him some boxes if he needs them.

  13. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 10:23 pm |

    There are some people I’d buy a ticket if they can never come back.
    Not sure he’s worth it though.

  14. PeggyU
    Posted December 29, 2012 at 11:52 pm |

    Hey, I’d chip in for the postage if they’d ship him at book rate. Good riddance to that mewling twat.

  15. Posted December 30, 2012 at 3:22 am |

    Well, it sounds like he’s got the talking part done.

  16. Steve Skubinna
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 5:01 am |

    Self deport? Does he think that’s a threat? This makes sense, however, if he suspects that his contract will not be removed. That way, if he does bail he can claim it’s because we ‘Muricans are racist violent thugs who did not appreciate him.

    Maybe he can get a job as editor of Newsweek… oh, wait…

  17. Posted December 30, 2012 at 6:57 am |

    Yanno, there’s something about getting up first thing in the morning and going for the fridge, and pulling that gallon jug of milk out of there and pouring about a pint of it down your gullet. It just feels right. It changes things.

  18. Posted December 30, 2012 at 7:02 am |

    If you have chocolate milk, that’s even better.

  19. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 7:38 am |

    What kind of fucking baby causes his mother to name him, “Piers”?

  20. geezerette
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 8:05 am |

    Hey Piers, How about you stop your relentless tidal wave of ignorant carnage? Please no need to hang around for the next three years for you daughter to go to an unprotected school and get shot by some very sick person who because of liberals like you think they have rights and can decide for themselves if they need treatment.

  21. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 10:30 am |

    I like the part how he bases his entire “argument” on his self-touted extreme ignorance. Good Show, Old Berk!

  22. Melissa In Texas
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm |

    GET OUT, you limey bastard!

  23. Maria Edi
    Posted December 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm |

    OK, I saw this – ahem – guy on a Celebrities Apprentice. He won over Trace Adkins. Well, two things I got: begun to like Trace Adkins a lot (what a voice!!!) and hated the guts of this MORON Piers. Oh, c’mon, dude, pack your troubles and go back to your “beloved” England! And don’t bother coming to Brazil. We don’t need another MORON over here.