I ate my dog’s ticket

.. …candid scalpers who offer up an excuse for why they cant attend the inauguration

“Can’t go because my crone’s [sic] disease is acting up.”

“I am poor and gotta pay the bills.”

” … my grandmothercannot stand for that long and she is flying into town so I will watch it with her seated somewhere in DC.”

“I put in a lot of volunteer hours to get these, but I would also like to continue to be able to pay rent.”

“I’m willing to trade my 2 swearing –in tickets for an Ipad 3 or 4…. I need the Ipad for school.”

“I don’t have much money because I am a college student and am trying to make it from mid-America to Washington DC as well as afford a motel.”

“Unfortunately I cannot go because I have to workso these tickets won’t be used.”

“Would love to attend, but would rather pay off student debt.”


  1. Posted January 17, 2013 at 8:47 pm |

    Channeling our Friend Hog here…..

    “Nah, My Balls itch.”

    Love you Hog!

  2. Brad
    Posted January 17, 2013 at 9:13 pm |

    I cant go to to see Barack Hussein Obama sworn in for a second term due to intense vomiting.

    If I were to go…

  3. Fat Baxter
    Posted January 17, 2013 at 9:43 pm |

    “I don’t want to get caught in any frag pattern.”

  4. Steve Skubinna
    Posted January 17, 2013 at 10:24 pm |

    Hey, I work for a living!


    Sorry, gotta pay both my mortgage and Obamaphone Lady’s.

  5. ZZMike
    Posted January 17, 2013 at 11:09 pm |

    “I have to wash my cats.”

  6. JoeBandMember™
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 6:13 am |

    Truly, I despise the entire regime, and will not have the TV on that day. I don’t want one milliwatt of electricity I pay for to be used to show him at his bully, yes BULLY, pulpit, tearing down the freedoms my forefathers pledged their lives to.

    The presstitutes will be orgasmic, and that alone is too much for my Independent mind.

    Piss on ‘em all.

  7. Posted January 18, 2013 at 7:20 am |

    I’m sending you two ringside tickets I traded for the donut I was eating. You’ll want to look sassy, so here.

  8. Thunderbottom
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 7:32 am |

    “I can’t go because if I catch a glimpse of that jug-eared stick insect, I might throw something at him and I don’t wanna get arrested.”

  9. Thunderbottom
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 7:35 am |

    #6, JoeBandMember: When the jug-eared stick insect comes on the TV, I change the channel. It’s either that or get a windshield wiper installed because every time my mom sees Obobo on the “gibbering cyclops”, she spits at the screen.

  10. geezerette
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 8:00 am |

    Go? I can’t watch it on the tee vee or listen too it on the raadio ’cause I got a hangnail that hurts when I try to press them buttons.

  11. mech
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 8:32 am |

    The tickets are so valuable that I’m putting them in the tupperware box with the plate and commerative quarters with the paper stickers. And the chia head.

    Besides I need to wash the cat box.

  12. jw
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 9:57 am |

    i have to stay home and watch the chrome rust on my car.

  13. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted January 18, 2013 at 10:05 am |

    Sock drawer.