tonight’s sage advice

Don’t dooo this!

A security guard in the Brazilian town of Rio Claro arguably had the worst day ever after he reportedly shot his penis off with an illegal gun. To make matters worse, he also faces charges for illegal possession of a firearm. [more]

… and quit playin’ with it.
You’ll shoot your eye out.

(What? Nope, not goin’ for the one-eyed trouser snake joke.)


  1. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:16 pm |

    No hombre deserves a penis if he be foolish enuf to point a pistolero at it wif his finger on the dang trigger! If that ain`t ah sage sayin, it ourta be……(least it weren`t no assault rifle; I reckon…) Accordin to Plugs, they is “dick dangerous”…..

  2. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:35 pm |

    Trying to find a silver lining here. It could have been a 12 ga shotgun; then he wouldn’t even have a groinal area.

  3. Jess
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:42 pm |

    I’m thinking it’s going to be tough when he has to complete his story after he tells his wife he lost his job and might go to jail.

  4. Justin Credible
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 9:18 pm |

    Is this a trending thing, like planking was? Arizona, FloriDUH, Washington, and last July – Oklahoma, where the moron told the police he was checking to make sure the (stolen) gun worked before he sold it in a convenience store parking lot.

  5. mech
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 10:06 pm |

    Darwin award runner up.

    “you! out of the gene pool!”

    Kinda similar to self deportation?

  6. Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:25 am |

    It’s all fun and games until somebody loses a penis.


  7. Steve Skubinna
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 3:36 am |

    This is my rifle, this is my – whoops!

  8. Maria Edi
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 5:18 am |

    Oh, my (Mr. Sulu intonation); not only we have those kind of politicians, and now, THIS??? I’m quitting my Brazilian citizenship. Can I be something like … Martian?

  9. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 5:53 am |

    Attempting to put the best face on this, in the medical report one of the surgeons remarked that “He had to be a crack shot to hit such a small target with one shot!”

  10. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:33 am |

    Justin (4)
    Yeah, that ol’ stuff-it-in-the-belt thing.
    Remember: one of the main functions of a holster is to protect the friggin’ trigger [insert seminar handouts]

    Steve (7)
    Dammit !
    It’s too late to change the post title, now.

    Maria (8)
    (Cultural ref) *heh*
    Yeah, I hoped you’d see this one.
    Homo sapiens is a clumsy species throughout its habitable range.

    ColJ (9)
    Dammit ! (cont’d)

  11. rickn8or
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:31 am |

    Without getting too Freudian, the solution to these NDs (including the ones at this weekend’s gunshows) is once you’re out in public, treat your weapon like a penis; that is, stoptouchingit!

    A little thought will convince you that the rule will work for ladies who pack a gat also.

  12. SteveHGraham
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:43 am |

    It’s kind of amazing that people will spring for a gun and then refuse to pay a few bucks more for a holster.

  13. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 8:43 am |

    rickn8or (11)
    Which gives a different slant to ColJ’s (9) “crack shot” crack.
    (What? Yeah, sorry. I never claimed to be a gentleman.)

  14. Posted January 24, 2013 at 9:34 am |

    Brazil is going through one of its periodic socialist phases, and pistols have been banned again.

    Holster may be hard to get a hold of.

  15. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 10:03 am |

    I KNEW my *crack shot* would git a rise outa my ad mired buddy, DougM! I KNEW it———————–

  16. mojo
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 10:28 am |

    Well, he’ll only do it once…

  17. Posted January 24, 2013 at 11:45 am |

    Was it in a threatening posture such that he felt he was in danger and had to take immediate defensive action for protection? (Us lawyers are trained to see all possible legal issues.)

  18. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 12:11 pm |

    ColJ (15)
    I was actually gonna use that joke earlier-on referring to the small-of-the-back, stuck-in-the-belt carry mode; but I forgot.
    (What? Yeah, I wish people would remind me of my duties, here, when I miss one like that.)

  19. Posted January 25, 2013 at 1:50 am |

    I’ve been trying not to comment on the “crack shot” part. Seriously. I don’t think you people realize how difficult this is for me. Still, I think I have managed to maintain a certain level of dignity in this whole affair.

    But when you take one right to the nuts, that’s gotta hurt.