Prog Canon (morning reading: more 12-step progrom)

Evidently, weee don’t need guns,
but theyyy do.

Current-events ref

I found this government-recommended assault weapon at the gun shop office-supply shop, no paperwork, no background check, and no. serial. number. Of course, payin’ cash means no questions and no paper trail. This nasty kind of edged weapon is designed to sever by applying almost surgical shearing stress, but it is used by criminals in a more brutal, thrusting, stabbing, and piercing manner (a particularly nasty, painful, and slow death by exsanguination).

The salesgirl explained that the cable tie was provided as a safety provision. I don’t know how they can get away with calling that a “safety.” It is effective for only one use; and it requires another edged weapon to enable this weapon, so it is difficult to quickly enable the weapon’s primary function. This leaves the user two options: (1) in an emergency, to apply the brutal criminal method mentioned earlier or (2) to leave this deadly weapon lying around in an unsafed condition.

Another concern relates to ease of availability to children who should only have access to rounded-tip scissors (erroneously referred to as “roundie-ended” by reporters and legislators not familiar with scissors culture). Note also the total lack of a speed-regulating device. I mean, fercyinoutloud, children can actually run with these things.

The term “assault weapon” applies, because it has cosmetic similarities with military weapons like bayonets, lances, swords, and the like. It can also be used repeatedly, as fast as the user can go, and without limit. You can kill a lot of people with this thing.

The government actually wants civilians to have general access to these things? The mind boggles.

Besides, you’ll stab your eye out.


~ Stilton ~


  1. SondraK, Queen of my domain
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 9:56 am |



  2. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 10:18 am |

    ^ Shear nonsense.
    Sorry, but I didn’t want to use that pun in the body of the post.
    (What? Yeah, but I did want to use it.)

  3. geezerette
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 10:39 am |

    Even tho you’re not allowed to do that to that picture — I LOL’d you. Looks like they made a quick trip to take a proof picture.

  4. N.O'Really
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 10:50 am |

    I still question the wisdom of bringing them to a gunfight.

  5. mech
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:15 am |

    ^well maybe if ones first name was Edward. Nahhhh.

  6. mech
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:18 am |

    SondraK, Wouldn’t he be using pinking shears?

  7. accipiter NW
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:21 am |

    Scissors: the weapon of choice for gun grabbers unhappy with the Constitution.

  8. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 11:36 am |

    Then again, I could be wrong about this.
    After all, one of America’s most famous law-enforcement icons favored solving problems with scissors.

  9. Posted February 2, 2013 at 2:26 pm |

    The only scissors most schools and offices allow nowadays are these types of child safety scissors, and you can’t even hardly bruise someone with such an instrument, let alone cut someone.

  10. Freddie Sykes
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 2:34 pm |

    The Big Cheese said it best:

    Shear Madness

  11. Posted February 2, 2013 at 3:29 pm |

    So, she suggests you bring a pair of scissors…… Hell, don’t even bring them to my pocket knife fight. Dummies.

  12. Merovign
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 5:03 pm |

    Ironically, if people were to confront, aggressively, a mad shooter with whatever weapons they could scrounge, the overall death toll would probably be lower – though the survival rate for the “first responder” may not be great.

    So there is a point to the otherwise risible “scissor strategy,” and in a way it is refreshing to see the authorities admit that passive submission is an EFFING HORRIBLE response, even though they’re doing it for an underhanded reason (supporting victim disarmament policies).

  13. mech
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 6:37 pm |

    What are we supposed to do when confronted by an armed attacker on an airliner?

    Goldfinger @ 1:03

  14. Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:12 pm |

    Real tactical scissors come with a bit that fits into the bayonet lug on your personal defense weapon.

  15. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:29 pm |

    Merovign (12)
    Oh, indeed!
    In practical terms, a couple brave souls with the will to fight can probably turn a potential mass killing into a singleton, even unarmed. Not many civilians with that mindset, though.

  16. DougM (Progophobe)
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:37 pm |

    Freddie (10)
    I was remiss in not including that up top.
    Hmm … might not be too late.
    Hold on.
    Okay, done!

  17. JoeBandMember™
    Posted February 2, 2013 at 7:52 pm |


    She’s saving the diagonal wire cutters for herself.

  18. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted February 3, 2013 at 9:50 am |

    You ‘Arm’ yourself with scissors” says a …erm, woman surrounded by 24-hour professional armed guards.

    So she’s saying there will be more of these “mass shootings”? [well, duh - but she's implying an increasing rate]

    Which means they know that disarming Law-Abiding citizens won’t fix a dang thing.

    I find myself jaw-droppingly gobsmacked at this “advice” from my .gov.

    Sure, I’ll run at a California coyote skreeching like a deranged baboon just to get ‘em out of the yard. [their look of disbelief and 'this is so worng!' is hilarious]

    Or even a Mountain Lion [lone hunters are very, very careful]

    But a pack of wolves? or a bear?!? not bloody likely. I’d want serious armament for that. [if we actually had such 'round here]

    This denial of Reality and Rights is approaching …. waiddaminnit:

    Alinksy Tactic Suggestion: It is a Human Right to Protect Oneself and One’s Family

    How’s that for a sudden thought?