Your regularly scheduled … We . are . allll . gonna . die !

Tomorrow, Sunday.
Or next month … for sure.

The SUPERMOON will light up the sky in a beautiful spectacle on Sunday but may also act as a catalyst to Earth’s terrifying and dramatic conclusion, according to ancient legend.

It occurs when the moon’s path of orbit leads it to sweep dangerously close to Earth causing tides to rise and the crust of the planet to shift.

Astronomers are expected to be lapping up the event which will see the moon travel 863 miles closer to the earth than normal. Tom Kerss, astronomer at the Royal Observatory Greenwich, explained there have been three supermoons so far this year, two in January and one in July. If ancient prophecies don’t come true and the world doesn’t end on Sunday, there will be another next month, he added.

If that doesn’t happen, take heart, there’ll be another cool chance eighty-some years from now:

The Supermoon comes two months after a rare honey moon appeared on Friday, June 13. The spectacle had not occurred on that exact day for more than 100 years and is not set to reappear till 2098. [more]

Forgive me for making light of this, but all is as Isaac Newton predicted … accurately.
If this is the dread End of the World™, however, I will be duly embarrassed.

(What? Nah, takin’ bets would be tempting Providence.)


  1. mojo
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 2:56 pm |

    Gosh, a whole 863 miles out of, um, a quarter million is a g increase of… 0.34 percent…

  2. Ironic in Denver
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 3:28 pm |

    ^ I was conservative and got 0.39%, but I might have done it wrong.

    In any case, I’m quaking in my badly worn trail boots.

    See you folks after tomorrow’s apocalypse.

  3. DougM (paleface™)
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 3:39 pm |

    mojo ^1
    Yep (using Newton’s two-body inverse-square law of gravitation, not the Bugs Bunny theory above).

    Still, I feel an urge to sacrifice somethingbody.

    (What? Nah, virgins are out of the question these days. Besides, you see any volcanoes around here?)

  4. SondraK, asshole
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 5:40 pm |


  5. SondraK, asshole
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 5:45 pm |

    Supahmoon tastes like cheese!

  6. Ironic in Denver
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 6:28 pm |

    Doug 3: virgins are out of the question these days.

    I think that’s because vampires prefer them.

    How about an environmentalist instead?

  7. JoeBandMember ≠
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 7:01 pm |

    The end will come, as the Bible predicts, like a thief in the night, no one knowing the day, nor the hour.

    Historically, though, a series of blood red moons. which we are now in the first part of, have always came at very significant times for Israel.

  8. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 7:04 pm |

    Supermoon? Nah. In an earlier DougM post, there was a “celebrity” squatting in a thong with a double basketball ass. That was a “supermoon”.

  9. ZZMike
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 7:32 pm |

    JoeBandMember : Blood red moons happen during eclipses. Supermoons are white and bright.

    This Sunday,

    For just 26 minutes at around 6.10pm, the moon will reach its full perigee stage, taking it to within 221,765 miles of earth.
    The average distance from Earth to the Moon is … 238,900 mi.

    The difference is 17135 mi.

    If you’re going to take a photo, take it early, when the moon’s near the horizon, and get something earthy in the picture, like a building or a big tree.

    Otherwise all you’ll get is a little white circle.

  10. Ironic in Denver
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 7:45 pm |

    And now for Sunday’s inevitable theme song:

  11. DougM (paleface™)
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 7:55 pm |

    dick 8^
    Nah, that was Missy’s post, but thanks for thinkin’ of me.

    (What? Yeah, she’d'a kicked my butt if’n I’d'a posted that.)

  12. Ironic in Denver
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 8:44 pm |

    dick 8: Supermoon – Ha! Well, you are certainly observant, and not above a well rounded phrase.

  13. Ironic in Denver
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 8:46 pm |

    Are supermoons predicted on the Mayan calendar?

    If not, there can be no apocalypse.

  14. mojo
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 10:11 pm |

    Ah, but the moon routinely comes closer than the average distance.

  15. ZZMike
    Posted August 9, 2014 at 10:17 pm |

    As an astronomer friend of mine once said, “The Moon is smaller than the Earth, yet it is farther away”.

  16. Posted August 9, 2014 at 10:49 pm |

    This orbital perturbation is coincident with human industrial development. Therefore it must have been caused by it. We’re doomed!

  17. Posted August 9, 2014 at 10:58 pm |

    Yay beach! Yay telescope! Yay clear skies!

  18. ZZMike
    Posted August 10, 2014 at 1:28 pm |

    KarlU (#16): Not at all. All we have to do is send tons of money to Al Gore’s invincible corporation, and they’ll figure out ways to defeat Lunar Catastrophe,

  19. geezerette
    Posted August 10, 2014 at 6:29 pm |

    What eveah—– it was beautiful and the earth was lit up like day lite. Owwwooooo

  20. rickn8or
    Posted August 10, 2014 at 10:39 pm |

    Causes Global Warmening or is a result of Global Warmening?

    Pick your sides early!

  21. Colonel Jerry USMC
    Posted August 11, 2014 at 7:13 am |

    Whell, is Monday morning an Kalifornicateya is still here==========FUCK!!!!