ToDaZeD Metaphore

what’s a meta for?

Dieters will be able to have their cake and eat it after scientists developed a device which makes low-sugar food taste sweeter.

The invention – dubbed Taste Buddy – emits a low-level electrical current to stimulate taste buds so the mouth perceives sweet or salty flavours, even when they are not really present.

So just toss the idea of parenting — defined as helping children mature. Recreate the entire world to suit the taste of toddlers, the abilities of toddlers, the thought processes of toddlers. What could possibly go worng?

Whatever would be lost?

“Many children hate the taste of vegetables. So I knew that when I became an engineer, I wanted to make a device that could allow children to eat vegetables that taste like chocolate.”

That does it. *throws down gloves* You, Sir, clearly do not know what The most wonderful food in The World tastes like.

It is most certainly not that greasy, waxy, overly sweet brown glop misnamed “chocolate” that covers commercial “candy”.

The flavors in actual chocolate derive from a number of important choices: how the bean itself is grown [soil, light/weather, variety], the harvest, the fermentation process/time [yes, real chocolate is a fermented food], the roast [time, temperature, process], the balance between chocolate liquor and cocoa butter, the conching process, the addition of other ingredients [sugar, milk eww or ghod forbid soy lethicin [for that tongue-shuddering Flix flavor] or parafin [for the “better” commercial chocolates - to raise the melt temperature for shipment], and the temper.

Real chocolate has a depth of scent and flavor much the same as a fine wine or a good ceegar. Which is why a chocolate ganache goes so well with a 20+ year red port and a great ceegar. My favorite dinner! NB not for toddlers.

But there seems to be a movement of those who would deprive Humanity of the task of maturing their tastes to the point where they would enjoy such flavors.

#InfantilizationMovement

PS there is no such thing as “White Chocolate.” That substance — straight or artificially flavored cocoa butter with added sugar — is known by its true name, “Coppertone.”

Finish your assignment! »

Not Coppertone:

8 Comments!

  1. Paladin
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 7:23 am |

    We raised our kids so they had to try whatever was served unless they absolutely did not like it.

    Two of my kids don’t like meatloaf. One of them doesn’t care for acorn squash. None of us have ever had liver that we like. Out of four, that ain’t too bad.

  2. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 7:53 am |

    Beautiful, Claire. LMAO at “Coppertone”. I used to think “leftover candle wax” or “clotted hand lotion”, but from now on “Coppertone” it is. Brevity is the soul of wit and all that.
    Thanks for the day’s lift.

  3. Steve
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 8:28 am |

    Two things came to mind: seeing my four-year-old son early in the morning,he had found some Baker’s chocolate in the pantry. When we discovered him, chocolate drool was running down the front of his shirt. He could not get the taste out of his mouth soon enough. (That was 25 yrs ago!!)

    B. At my house, anything less than very dark chocolate is “un-chocolate”. Imported is best- but Dove Darks will do in a pinch, thank you very much!!

  4. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 10:12 am |

    Steve@3 — *cough*Scharffen Berger is USA!USA!USA!*cough*

  5. Nomen Nescio
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 10:32 am |

    You really want to help kids eat healthy? Make chocolate taste like brussel sprouts.

  6. mech
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 11:51 am |

    Claire, You always make me smile. I have been learning beers the past year as I hang around the entrepreneur community and we have nearly 60 micro-breweries around us. One tasting I attended had so much actual information from the master brewer (who is the first in the state and helped write the legislation in the state) along with the beer and food pairings that I could not remember half of it. His place is at a Benedictine Monastery and not open to the public. But the products are in some stores.
    Anyway, one of the pairings was with an amazing chocolate truffle. I had not enjoyed such an experience before, but will again as they just opened a tap room a few blocks from my office. Life is too short for bad chocolate, whisky, cigars, or food. Writing like Claire’s fits right in with those pleasures.

    Oh, and I go to great expense to keep fungus off my feet. Why would I put it in my mouth? (Stock answer to mushrooms)

  7. Another Bob
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 5:22 pm |

    And don’t even get started on real vanilla!

  8. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted October 13, 2016 at 9:13 pm |

    Thank you, Mech…

    srsly — Nielsen-Massey Vanilla Bean Paste Mmmmmmmm….