Abandon Reason All Ye Who Enter Here

Is this where we’re gonna live?

Everybody take a knee.

In the wake of the events in Charlottesville, Va., ESPN decided to pull one of its announcers from calling a University of Virginia football game — because his name is Robert Lee.

Because of course everyone would confuse this guy

ESPN's Robert Lee

with the General of the Confederate Army of Northern Virginia. Or his descendants. …or something. of course

Because of course there will be …riots?

Next of course they’ll hafta get rid of North Carolina Tar Heels wide receiver Thomas Jackson. Good thing Tom Jackson retired last year.

Because of course that would cause riots… or riots would ensue if they did pull him. … how would one know?!?

“We collectively [doesn't *that* tell ya all ya needed to know?] made the decision with Robert to switch games as the tragic events in Charlottesville were unfolding, simply because of the coincidence of his name. In that moment it felt right [again...] to all parties. It’s a shame that this is even a topic of conversation and we regret that who calls play-by-play for a football game has become an issue.” [*who* made it an issue?!?]

19 Comments!

  1. Daemon
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 8:37 am |

    Maybe next they will remove Jeff Davis from the cast of Whose Line is it Anyway?

    Nothing personal, Jeff. It just feels right. You know, collectively.

  2. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 8:43 am |

    Screw ‘im… and the horse he rode in on!

    Banning “Lee” is gonna screw-up a lot of sailors.

    ~ Lu ~

    We could do this all afternoon, so, if you’ll excuse me,
    I’m gonna go watch re-runs of “The Jeffersons.”
    This preemptive surrender hysteria is giving me a headache.

  3. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 9:48 am |

  4. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 9:55 am |

    Extra Stupid Peabrain Numbnuts is dead, dead, dead to me. Has been for years, but now I’ll be more outspoken.

  5. accipiterNW
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 10:20 am |

    I imagine Guam really will tip over if enough peeps banish themselves from the leeward side of the island!

  6. Posted August 23, 2017 at 10:29 am |

    Is Robert related to Spike Lee and Shelia Jackson Lee (double no-no)?

  7. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 10:32 am |

    And the plague spreads…

  8. neal
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 12:38 pm |

    That guy should have worn a kilt.
    Then he would just be Robert The Bruce Lee.

    Everyone needs a handle these days. And a trucker movie soundtrack.

  9. Dave
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 1:43 pm |

    ESPN: “We just wanted to avoid memes and jokes and stuff.”

  10. Fat Baxter
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 2:07 pm |

    I’m waiting for some knuckleheads to try to take down the Stonewall Jackson statue in front of the VMI barracks:

    http://themusingsofthebigredcar.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/VMI-cannons.jpg

    They’d likely have a fight on their hands.

    It’s bound to happen eventually. Washington & Lee University is right next door (common border in some places), and I hear it’s gone far lefty recently. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone came after VMI in its entirety (i.e., shut the whole thing down), due to its history in general, and more specifically for its role at the Battle of New Market in 1864.

  11. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 3:25 pm |

    Dave ^^
    Yeah, that worked out.
    *hehee*

    FB ^
    Washington & Lee University — have they talked about renaming it, yet?

  12. Fat Baxter
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 3:34 pm |

    ^ As of 2 days ago, W&L has no plans to change their name.

    Although in 2014, they took down the Confederate flags in Lee’s crypt (he is buried on campus).

  13. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 4:05 pm |

    ^ Can’t wait for ‘em to go after Arlington Cemetery.
    Used t’be Lee’s place, y’know.

  14. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 5:25 pm |

    *bwahahahahahahaha!*

    Also, I’m still confused over which Lee bears the “cultural appropriation” blame, here.

  15. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 9:11 pm |

    More *bwahahahahahahaha!*

  16. SondraK, Queen of SondraKistan
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 10:22 pm |

    They should’ve just COVERED HIM WITH A TARP AND DUCT TAPE!

  17. Thunderbottom
    Posted August 23, 2017 at 11:33 pm |

    8. Neal: How ’bout Robert “the Bruce” Lee – Scottish Martial Arts Master of the Confederacy; took out a whole company of Yankees with just one “five-finger death punch” at the First Battle of Manassas (or “Bull Rull” as you Yankees call it)!

  18. SondraK, Queen of SondraKistan
    Posted August 24, 2017 at 10:41 am |

    …and to think that ESPN’s justification to do this was to avoid having people make fun of them…

  19. DougM and his platoon of raccoons
    Posted August 24, 2017 at 8:46 pm |

    ^ Best tweet yet.