Jussie desserts

This is CNN, not The Onion*

CNN producers were reportedly impressed throughout the ongoing saga of Smollett’s apparent hoax attack on himself. They realized early on the facts didn’t add up but were fascinated with how well the actor kept the narrative going. An HR rep quickly reached out to Smollett to see if he’d be interested in taking on a position at the news organization after news broke that the entire thing was probably fabricated.

“Smollett has exactly the kind of skills we look for at our fine organization,” said CNN correspondent Brian Stelter. “He picked a narrative, made up all the relevant facts and details, and stuck with his story in spite of glaring holes in the plot. It’s hard to find people who understand our core values here at CNN, but Smollett seems to be just the guy for us.”

*The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire

4 Comments!

  1. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted February 19, 2019 at 10:16 am |

    Wow.

    You’re telling me that there aren’t hundreds of Raaaacist White Guys™ wearing their MAGA-hats over their ski masks, wandering the trendy[?] neighborhoods at 2am in 14° weather toting nooses and bleach “just in case” they bump into some ghey black aktor?!??

    huh. whodathunk…

  2. neal
    Posted February 19, 2019 at 10:40 am |

    Next he will hold a squirt gun to his head and Chicago five-o will have to back off. “Stop or the crisis actor gets it!”

  3. Veeshir
    Posted February 19, 2019 at 6:27 pm |

    Fake but accurate!

  4. Dave
    Posted February 19, 2019 at 8:57 pm |

    ^ I’ll take your no as a yes.