ToDaZeD CaliZuela *facepalm*

Tyrants’ and Showboaters’ Editon

There is a mess of running for Veep this year / POTUS next round goin’ on. While Little Miss Michigan Gov. shows us all how bossy in-charge she can be by prohibiting the sale of garden hoses, paint, outdoor furniture and other things she thinks Americas shouldn’t buy, PrettyPrettyGavin [PPG] Newsome [.Gov of CaliZuela] is buying the house a round just to show what a nice fella and big swinging *cough*…Playah he is.

As the LegisHouse of Thieves & Whores™ scurried out of town with their tails tucked into their masks, they left PPG the keys to the treasury: “giving him bipartisan approval to spend up to $1 billionfor any purpose’ related to the coronavirus pandemic.” Just take a moment to imagine how many things — both large and small — could be fantasized to be “related to the coronavirus pandemic.” That bunch just gave PPG a $1B campaign contribution with taxpayer dollars. Slick, eh?

First thing, PPG spent $1.4 billion with a Chinese company [read: ChiComGovt] for masks and other protective gear. Which I, for one, would tooootally trust and welcome. yessiree. youbetcha.

There’s one in every bar…

California, he said, needs to “punch above our weight” and not rely on the national stockpile or compete with other states [as if we were just another state... as if...], so he retooled the supply chain in what he called “a big, bold bet on a new strategy.”

…“As a nation state with the capacity to write a check for hundreds of thousands – no, billions — of [other people's] dollars, we’re in a position to do something bold and big that can be a catalyst to increase supply.”

Already, the state has sent 500 ventilators to seven states …

Big. Swingin’. Richard.

Newsom said the masks are not just for health workers, but also for “grocery workers, our DMV workers, the frontline police walking the streets, doing outreach to the homeless people, knocking on your doors to do wellness checks.

Whoa. Callback to our little friend, Dr. Michael Ryan, Executive Director WHO Health Emergencies Programme, who said:

“…in most parts of the world, due to lockdown, most of the transmission that’s actually happening in many countries now is happening in the household, at family level. … now we need to go and look in families and find those people who may be sick and remove them, and isolate them, in a safe and dignified manner”.

in a Dignified way.

Achh. It’s the way of all the sorts of Power Junkies; those huddling in the back rooms of bureaucracies hissing “Preciousss” over the lovingly wrought byzantine restrictions they long to impose upon “all the rest of YOU!!1!” who do not understand the depths of their brilliance.

Sure, they “realize” that this “lockdown” must end …sometime. But only once they have the hobbles tightened, the bit inserted, and the blinders affixed could they possibly allow the rest of us, who are clearly too stupid to… well, do anything. Much less we should get the hell back to what we do — producing the resources that these Power Munchers feed upon.

As if that weren’t enough [really.. Enough! already] PrettyPrettyGavin [PPG] Newsome has also decided that, since CaliZuela is now a self-declared NationState™ [whatever that means], it must meaning He, Hizownself must lead all the Left Coast™ States out of the Valley of Chairman Xi’s WooHan WetBat OopsieFlu.

Anathema is the idea that we should just recognize the curve is flattened, the hospitals are decidedly underwhelmed, we’re all in debt and get back to work with a reasonable care taken to not speak moistly on one another.

Nononooooooo, my optimistic friend. PrettyPrettyGavin, leader of Teh NationState™, has a series of hoops through which Reality must leap before He, Hizownself releases his grip on the reins of commerce and Life As We Know It.

Using lovely, feeeel-good words like ‘prepared,’ ‘have the ability,’ and ‘support,’ PPG decrees the state must first:

— Have tests for everyone who is symptomatic.
That’s a lotta tests$s$, which must be reliable. Which he will, no doubt, have Made In China.

— “Have the ability to identify the contacts of those who test positive.”
Well, ya lost me right there. Social Distancing leads to Social Monitoring. I cannot imagine any way to do so that doesn’t resemble a dystopian scifi novel.

— “Support” for those Teh State deems ‘vulnerable’ yet who live in their own homes.
See above.
also: aaiieeeeeeeeeeeeee

— A vague requirement about hospitals being able to handle “surges”.
No metrics, no definitions, no milestones, no specifics.

— The ability to develop therapeutics. [I guess they mean 'medications']
This one’s all about “building coalitions” and “partnerships.” PPP? Again; zero specifics. Not even a nod to those medications currently being used successfully …because whatever.

— The ability for schools/businesses/etc to “support physical distancing”

Whoa. Wait… whaaa? It’s suddenly “Physical Distancing”??!? What’re we gonna do with all those brand new signs and floor stickers posted all over everywhere calling for “Social Distancing”??!? *yeesh* [printers' union is that strong? hm.]

PrettyPrettyGavin wants to take on as the sole responsibility of Teh State to have enough “supplies and equipment” and “guidelines and practices” to keep every air-suckin’ homo sapien “safe” whateverdahell that means.

Our local markets recently installed ginormous bullet-proof glass-like barriers in front of every checkstand. It’s like buying milk at a check-cashing place in The Tenderloin [but without the poop]. Being this is friendly CaliZuela, the checkers who know you just hand stuff to ya around the sides. *eyeroll*

Aside: The creation of Stupid Laws and Irrational Fears breeds contempt for The Law. …just sayin’

Finally, here’s the CaliZuela Kicker: Teh State wants…

The ability to determine when to reinstitute certain measures, such as the stay-at-home orders, if necessary.

Yep. The State wishes to reserve unto itself the right ability to curtail its citizens’ rights to free movement, to free engagement in commerce, to spit on the mat, and call the cat a bastard.

Again, no mention of metrics, milestones, or any actual reason — other than whim or desire — to reinstate “Lockdown” [a word I continue to believe is only appropriate to prisons and state mental hospitals.].

Yet the CaliZuela Roadmap to Modify the Stay-At-Home Order ends its demand list on a hopeful note — hopeful for itself — that “new opportunities will likely arise to support mitigation.” Never let a crisis [which, remember, is "opportunity" in Chinese!] go to waste!


But, really. What’s to worry? Though they have much in common, PrettyPrettyG’s Plan is rather less imposing and restrictive than that of the ironically named Center for American Progress’ Plan which cites the numbers released by the ChiCom Nooz bureau as its justification for yet another full month of lockdown and mandatory, constant .govt monitoring of associations and movements via cellfone, etc. for all of Time.

Hey. What could possibly go worng? At this rate, pretty soon we’ll have wet bat markets of our own!


  1. dick, not quite dead white guy
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 3:03 pm |

    Mail that to PPG, just to piss him off. It’s obvious he’s surrounded by like thinkers, well, ass kissers with child-like minds and needs a questioning dose of reality.

    A vague requirement about hospitals being able to handle “surges”.
    No sweat – a big garage lined with Murphy beds and having giant 20-person ventilators on overhead monorails, with a conveyor down the middle leading to the Soylent Green factory.
    Parking one day, in and out processing the next.

  2. jlw
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 4:42 pm |

    Wednesday, Gov. Gavin Newsom announced he would spend $75 million of taxpayer money to create a Disaster Relief Fund for immigrants living in the country illegally.

  3. DougM ☞crotchety and judgmental☜
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 5:05 pm |

    My biggest question about built-in preparations for the next pandemic is:
    Will trains and buses have removable seats to assure distancing?

  4. Lord of the Fleas
    Posted April 15, 2020 at 6:34 pm |

    Now why does this keep popping into my mind?…

  5. Posted April 16, 2020 at 3:58 am |


    “Valley of Chairman Xi’s WooHan WetBat OopsieFlu.”

    Stands. Claps. BRAVO!

  6. Posted April 16, 2020 at 4:42 am |

    I had a thought.

    Now, I’m sure the PrettyBoyKingofKali certainly doesn’t need any ideas from a hayseed serf from Minnesotastan but imagine medical/SWAT teams roaming the state of Califusion, going to each home to “inoculate” the citizenry. The dosage would be enough to render the infected/potentiallyinfected/maybejustachanceinfected unconscious for 30 days. So you now have 100% of the population “out” and DEFINITELY practicing the most efficient social distancing possible for 30 days – well, not exactly 100%, cuz PrettyBoyKing, his entourage and select Bolshevik crowned princes and princesses would be exempted.

    During the 30 day “LightsOut” period, it would give the gubmint the time to inspect everyone’s eating habits, social media interactive history, voting record and firearm inclinations and thus those meeting the “standard” would be woken after 30 days while the undesirably deplorable probates would not – they would be transported to “ViralReeducationCenters.”

    There. All fixed.

  7. Blake
    Posted April 16, 2020 at 7:29 am |

    @jlw I guess we can infer from this just how much PPG cares about who is allowed to vote in CA.

  8. Posted April 16, 2020 at 8:36 am |

    Claire (and everybody else:)

    The plan is simple. We turn Yuma, Arizona into a giant communication center; no calls, e-mails, messages, mail, nothing, comes out of the left coast. (Don’t worry, there’s plenty of parking in Yuma for all the new workers.) The only communications allowed into Left Coastia will be real estate solicitations (we wanna buy your house,) and car insurance offers (we can save you OVER $600 DOLLARS!)

    Then, we change the point of focus and direction of The Wall from east-west to north-south. The wall will then run from San Diego to Yuma to Canadia.

    I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: the biggest threat to the United States comes, not from Beijing, but from Sacramento.

  9. rickn8or
    Posted April 16, 2020 at 1:14 pm |

    …what he called “a big, bold bet on a new strategy.”

    “Big and bold bet” with Other People’s Money…

  10. OldFert
    Posted April 16, 2020 at 11:39 pm |

    @Holger (6^)
    During the 30 day “LightsOut” period special committees will collect and process all the mail-in votes from those being “treated.”

  11. Posted April 17, 2020 at 2:07 am |

    ^10 OldFert

    Touche’! (didn’t even see that one coming!)