ToDaZeD CaliZuela *faceslap* — part ducks

Mobile Goalposts Edition
aka: gravity game, raising the bar, argument by demanding impossible perfection

Now that Alturas, Yuba, and Sutter counties have opened many businesses and Placer is working the legal angle, it’s making the rest …well, restless.

So, of course, CaliZuela’s .Gov, PrettyPettyGavin Newssolini, has decided to run those goal posts down the field, just in case someone wants to make a living. Accompanied by exactly zero justification of facts, numbers, or medical necessity, Gov.PPG is preparing for some future “emergency” that may or may not ever materialize.

Here’s what he’s requiring.

No more than one new COVID-19 case per 10,000 residents in the past 14 days
[Does this include non-symptomatic?
how this will be balanced against people becoming ill, suffering, dying from lack of usual medical care -- 1:1? 2:1?

No COVID-19 deaths in the past 14 days
[even that non-symptomatic/recovered guy who tested positive and got hit by a bus?]

Essential workers must have access to PPE
[easier to move the goal around without the excess baggage of numbers...]

A minimum of 1.5 tests per 100,000 residents being conducted daily
[Where r the tests? Are all to be treated like LA county? most CZ counties have low number of cases and 0 deaths. map]

At least 15 contact tracers per 100,000 residents
[I guess Apple/Glooeviloogle consortium failed to digitize this? or is this an 'employment program' for Mrs Grundys?]

Ability to temporarily house 15% of the county’s homeless population
[This one dragged straight off the Proggie Wishlist.
And the ones who refuse 'housing'? Will we be bringing them drugs & smokes twice or thrice daily?

PPGN surely did mean it when he said:

…political opportunity born out of the pandemic… “There is opportunity for reimagining a progressive era as it pertains to capitalism,” Gov. Newsom said. “So yes, absolutely we see this as an opportunity to reshape the way we do business and how we govern.”

Please, treat CA refugees kindly.


  1. Posted May 8, 2020 at 10:58 am |

    ONLY if they promise not to stop until they reach New York. These people are infected with Left Coast Liberalism, and they do not think they’re ill, but they are seriously contagious to weak-minded middle-of-the roaders, and Neocon’s who think that it might be time to put out their hands out for their share of other people’s bounty. No place for them here where Conservatives and Real Americans live.

  2. Mike
    Posted May 8, 2020 at 12:38 pm |

    Treat Ca refugees kindly? Yes, well, here in Oregon we did and over the last 30 years they’ve turned our governor Brown and our legislature perma-blue, just like their home state. Now we’re reduced to asking the fine folks in Idaho to treat Oregon refugees kindly…

  3. Lord of the Fleas
    Posted May 8, 2020 at 2:23 pm |

    ^ Which is why no person moving from one jurisdiction to another (country, state, province, etc) should be allowed to vote for a good long time (ten or twenty years) until they become truly assimilated or get kicked out.

    Actually, for immigrants from another country, they should be banned from voting for a couple of generations. (I think that Bible thing has something to say about this…)

  4. DougM ☞crotchety and judgmental☜
    Posted May 8, 2020 at 3:09 pm |

    I’m surprised he didn’t include racial/ethnic/sexual-identity requirements.

  5. Blake
    Posted May 8, 2020 at 3:52 pm |

    My wife and I originally thought of relocating to Idaho, AZ or, perhaps NV.

    We may have to look further, what with all the idiocy created by other CA transplants.

  6. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted May 8, 2020 at 7:08 pm |

    Cheeze’n'rice, guys! I said refugees; not invaders.

    Just lookin’ for a little benefit of the doubt for Blake [+ family] & me [+ family]… I think y’all might find us useful on your side. We know their tricks.

  7. Blake
    Posted May 9, 2020 at 12:35 pm |

    ^Claire, I honestly understand why a CA refugee might get a bit of side-eye after fleeing CA for another state.

  8. IdahoHunter
    Posted May 10, 2020 at 6:27 am |

    California refugees, not so much. Invaders who start screaming and voting for what they left, anyone who is short we can send you a dozen or so. Free shipping.

  9. Claire: rebellious pink pig with car keys - and a *cause*
    Posted May 10, 2020 at 10:06 am |

    Blake @ 7 — I do too. Absolutely. I give that kind of CZians side-eye every freaking day.

    Still, a bit of room to demonstrate one’s intentions and abilities before opening fire would be greatly appreciated… ; >