New Year’s resolutions


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  1. My dog thinks I’m a great hunter. I go out for an hour, and bring home enough food for a week.

    Comment by Alan outback bacon czar — January 1, 2013 @ 11:47 am

  2. My dogs think I am crazy. Make them sit for doggie Grace, and they can’t chow down until they hear, Amen.

    Comment by Wollf — January 1, 2013 @ 12:03 pm

  3. Dog prespective: He gives me shelter, food, water and toys…He must be my god!

    Cat prespective: He gives me shelter, food, water and toys…He thinks I’m his god!

    Comment by mech — January 1, 2013 @ 12:18 pm

  4. Hay now, my dogs think I give them free food, free health care and free housing……

    AND I pick up all their shit for them…

    Comment by SondraK, Queen of my domain — January 1, 2013 @ 12:18 pm

  5. Dogs have owners; cats have staff.

    Comment by Fat Baxter — January 1, 2013 @ 12:47 pm

  6. My dog thinks I’m a son-of-a-bitch.

    Just kidding, no dog no mo. RIP Mabel, 1997-2011. Don’t have time to train another one. Like women.

    I’m a cat guy now. If I die, they won’t care. Like women.

    Comment by Hog Whitman — January 1, 2013 @ 1:32 pm

  7. ^^^ and they will survive off your remains till they are rescued. Kittehs are like that. A Dog will starve…….

    My two Cats are snuggled on the clothes dryer….. Chilly

    Comment by Wollf — January 1, 2013 @ 2:09 pm

  8. Our dogs and the grand dogs let us share their beds and let us sit in their chairs while they laid on us. They cleaned our dishes and protected their home for us. They took us for walks and made sure we have more hair on us then they do just to keep us warm. They shlobered us with kisses. The little dogs will leave us one of their special tootsie rolls when we leave for a while. So yes we have to be what our grand doggies think we are.

    Comment by geezerette — January 1, 2013 @ 2:38 pm

  9. My cat thinks I am a Friskies Bot. And after 1930, a mattress bed warmer. She likes to “make bisquits” on my right leg. I sleep w a hand towel spread on my starboard leg, under the blanket, so her front claws don`t force me to open a bag of blood clot powder to preclude bleeding to death…

    If she thinks I am in REM sleep, she extends one of her front paws up to my neck to draw a little blood. I am purty goddamn sure she is getting a mental set of orders fm my 1st last wife mistake….

    This fucking cat is presently refinancing my home loan………………

    Comment by Colonel Jerry USMC — January 1, 2013 @ 5:31 pm

  10. Colonel Jerry, Sir! It sounds like you need some CAT HANDCUFFS!

    Comment by mech — January 1, 2013 @ 5:54 pm

  11. >>#4 SondraK

    In other words, your dogs think you’re a democrat?? ;)

    Comment by JackT — January 1, 2013 @ 8:28 pm

  12. I don’t think I can be such a person. Now, if I can only convince others how wonderful I really am.

    Comment by Jess — January 2, 2013 @ 4:13 am

  13. HAY! Doug doesn’t even HAVE a dog!

    Comment by SondraK, Queen of my domain — January 2, 2013 @ 10:50 pm

  14. When I was about 6-years-old, we lived on this nice ranch outside of Portland. I even had a pony. Didn’t work as far as making me something less of a delinquent, but I had one. I also had a complete Davy Crockett outfit that I used to ride around on the pony on.

    It even had a real coonskin cap with a real raccoon tail and everything (the outfit, not the pony). It even had chaps to go with it. WTF Davy Crockett was doing riding around wearing ass-less chaps back then never occurred to me, but that’s probably just as well.

    Comment by Hog Whitman — January 3, 2013 @ 12:01 am

  15. I had to go back to the store today. Turns out, I had bought some dog food for my cats. It’s not like they starved in the two days it took me to discover my mistake. I also gave them some milk, which they finally drank. They’re fine.

    I had this cat one time who liked dog food better than cat food, at least when he was a kitten. Didn’t last much past that stage, but he sure liked that dog food.

    Comment by Hog Whitman — January 3, 2013 @ 12:20 am

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